by Monica Sesma, Taos Institute Board Member

I was first introduced to the concept of relational disquiet by Karl Tomm, Director of the Calgary Family Therapy Centre, Professor of Psychiatry at the Cumming School of Medicine, University of Calgary, and a dear Taos Institute associate. I was highly intrigued by this notion, as an ESL (English as a Second Language) person, I had never read, heard, or captured the word “disquiet” before Karl mentioned it. When I caught him using the concept, I even checked with Dr. Google and found that Merriam-Webster (2022) defines the word disquiet as “to take away the peace or tranquility of”. In conversations with Karl, he defines relational disquiet as “passionate differences that arise spontaneously among us as human beings” (Tomm, 2022). As I continue to be curious and motivated to explore this concept further, I want to invite my dear fellow social constructionist relational thinkers to reflect on how we navigate relational hiccups, tensions, moments of discomfort or awkwardness, instances of resistance or conflict, disagreements, and those interactional moments that can take some peace from us in all kinds of relationships.

How do you navigate relational disquiet? As an ESL Mexican living in Canada, I found myself putting more effort onto understanding relational disquiet in my daily interactions whether I am in a social, therapeutic, teaching, or professional context. When I am interacting with Spanish speaking people, I might have a better sense or understanding when something disquieting is happening, especially capturing verbal expressions. In addition, as a cinephile who has watched so many movies in English and other languages, I can tell most of the time when characters are having a relational disquiet moment. I am captivated by the role of context, language, and culture, and other indicators, and wondering what else makes the difference in identifying and navigating relational disquiet. 

As we know, body language expressions might vary from culture to culture, the use of sarcastic phrases, popular sayings, or language expressions, so it is not as easy as it seems to notice relational disquiets. Even when we belong to the same family or social circle, we might not be aware of engaging in disquieting interactions. Thus, I committed to paying more attention and raising my awareness of these. My main goal is not only to “notice” but reflect if I need to do something about it. I want to be more congruent with my relational stance, show that I care for the relationships, and be accountable for anything I do or say. I also have Karl’s ideas in mind about how: “[these] differences unfold and/or are managed make a huge difference in terms of outcome. Differences can become extremely divisive and destructive but at other times they can be channeled into remarkable creativity. Rather than trying to evade such disquiet, we intend to befriend it in ways that opens space to bring forth relational preferences at a variety of levels” (Tomm, 2022). 

Finally, I am trying to move from “I” notice that I feel tension and pay attention to when WE notice something is happening in our relationship, when we notice together. I am trying to pause my self-awareness when I feel discomfort or “lack of peace” and be more aware of when WE notice the passionate difference. 

DeVito, D. (1989). The war of the Roses [Film]. Gracie Films.

Merriam-Webster (2022). Disquiet.

Roach, R. (2004). Meet the Fockers [Film]. Tribeca Productions.

Tomm, K. (2022, August). Calgary Family Therapy Centre 50th Anniversary Celebration and Conference “Bringing Forth Generativities within Relational Disquiet”.

Participants engage in meaningful dialogue each week on a live video call, and deepen their learning through reading, interactions with the group in our virtual community platform, as well as during meetings with a new learning partner each week. This course is for those familiar with constructionist ideas as well as those new to these concepts. It is a unique opportunity to engage in deep reflection with others from a diverse range of experiences, while exploring how Social Construction applies to their own life and practice.

At the Taos Institute, we support and mentor creative practitioners to form the future through relationships, collaboration, and ethical action. The International Diploma in Social Construction and Professional Practice exposes participants to multiple disciplines, all focused on collaborative and relational approaches to generating meaning, value, and practices of significance. The online Diploma program is not a fixed curriculum, with required lectures, readings, and graded assignments. Rather, it is an innovative, informal and tailored process of growth for adults looking for an independent study option. The Diploma program lets the learner embark on a project of personal interest with professional guidance and support of a Taos advisor. Applications are still being accepted for the Sept. 2022 cohort.

ICCP, HGI and The Taos Institute are pleased to announce this series of free online workshops, where leading voices in Social Constructionism and Collaborative-Dialogic ideas will engage in conversation with practitioners and scholars from different parts of the world. We will explore the principles and the applications of these practices in a variety of contexts and with different populations. The workshops will be in English with simultaneous translation. Details and registration are available here.

Working with people who are facing Despair and/or Suicidal Thoughts can sometimes invite Worry and even Panic for therapists/peer workers/etc; and can, at times, take us away from our preferred ways of being with people. This workshop will focus on how we can bring social justice into our work with people who are facing the difficult problems of Despair, and/or Suicidal Thoughts through Narrative Therapy practices and principles. Details and registration available here.

With deepening social, environmental and political crises worldwide, many who want to make a difference in the world are finding that they need new tools to make social change, to grow, and to develop their communities. The East Side Institute’s International Class is a 9-month virtual immersion in creative and cultural approaches to human development, learning and social change. The course introduces and examines social therapeutics, a philosophically informed, practically oriented method in which human beings develop themselves while building the ensemble, group and community. Details and registration available here.

This presentation is an invitation to eavesdrop on the regular Friday dialogue between 5 team members of the Nameless Academy. Coming together around a shared vision grounded in noble values, we are cooperating to shape the future we want to Belong to. How? By following the dynamic flow of Universal growth, known as the Mereon Method that lets us honour the Unity that underscores our diversity.