It’s because of Sonora Louise Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington that we have observed and celebrated Father’s Day in the United States on the third Sunday of June, since 1910. Unlike Mother’s Day, Father’s Day took some time to be fully recognized and accepted. In 2021, it is not only fully recognized and accepted, it is also celebrated.
Although men provide the sperm necessary to fertilize the eggs women carry, in order to formulate one of God’s greatest creations—children, their day of celebration is not revered as strongly as Mother’s Day. Many of you might pose the age-old question…why is Mother’s Day revered at a totally different level than Father’s Day?? We can most certainly assume many reasons for the discrepancies in the treatment and the celebration of fathers, compared to mothers.
Mothers carry their children for nine months (on most occasions); they endure the pains of labor, and are generally the primary caretakers of their children during their formative years and beyond. This intense and emotional involvement between mother and child provides a connection and a bond that fathers cannot rival. Because of the roles we tend to slot women and men into, it is expected that women will mother their children and form nurturing relationships, while men are expected to ‘head the house,’ assume the role of ‘bread winner,’ and leave the emotional, educational, and spiritual guidance of their children to mothers.
However, in the United States, there is a totally different view of Black fathers. I am only willing to write and speak truth about this treatment, which I have found that many people don’t want to hear, especially when it comes to the truth about the treatment of Black men in America. Due to racist attitudes, racist behaviors, and stereotypical beliefs about Black men in general, Black fathers are given a triple negative reputation. They are too often denigrated for their blackness, rarely revered and respected as men and rarely touted as ‘good’ fathers, because they are not seen as ‘good men; whatever that means. They are often espoused as ‘deadbeat dads,’ ‘lazy,’ ‘good-for-nothing,’ ‘cheaters,’ “sperm donors,” etc. Black men and Black fathers are rarely given their props for the role that they play in the lives of their children, just like any other man of other races and cultures.
From the arrival of the first slave ships in Jamestown, Virginia in 1619, to the centuries of slavery on plantations of the south, to the three-fifths clause of the United States Constitution, to the continued racism and discrimination in the north and south, to the modern day acts of systemic, organizational and institutional racism in 2021, Black men have been prevented from reaching their ultimate heights in America. They have had to continuously stand unevenly against the privileged White men of America, with barriers every step of the way. But no matter how much thy have been hindered, hampered, and efforts have been instituted to halt their progress and stop their progression in a society that was not built for them, Black men have persevered, while planting seeds that have continuously provided promise and progress for America and the world. Although hung, lynched, decimated, emasculated, humiliated, isolated, and incriminated, white society is amazed as to how Black men have not been destroyed.
For far too long, Black men have not only been seen as the American underdog, they have been treated as such. They have been denied the truth about their past, refused acceptance in their present, and constantly blocked from ensuring success in their future. Every effort humanly possible has been implemented and instituted to discredit, deter, and deny Black men from achieving positive academic, emotional, psychological, political, economic, and spiritual health, wealth, and safety. From the institution of slavery, racism, discrimination, denial of educational and economical opportunities, and genocide in the seventeenth to nineteenth centuries, to the infiltration of drugs, segregation, Jim Crow laws, inferior and unequal education, voter suppression, genocide, and economic oppression in the twentieth century of the sixties and seventies, to the infiltration of drugs, guns (weapons of mass destruction), racism, discrimination, inferior education, gun violence, Black on Black crime, voter suppression, economic and political oppression, insurance and mortgage redlining, racial profiling, mass incarceration, and other forms of genocide in Black communities, Black men have weathered the storms. They have still managed to serve as fathers for their children!
Based on a 2019 CDC report, young Black men and Black teens make up more than one-third of firearm homicides within the United States. For every deceased Black man it means 2.5 children will not be born, negatively impacting the process of procreation in Black communities. Sadly, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Walter Wallace, Philando Castile, Trayvon Martin, George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Ronald Green, Rayshard Brooks, and too many other Black boys and Black men who have been cut down by either the bullets of White police officers or the bullets of other Black men who look like them, will never be able to fulfill their role of father. Black boys must matter in order for them to become Black men, with the hope of them one-day becoming Black fathers! Because Black boys and Black men don’t seem to matter, there are no laws to foster gun control, in order to stem gun violence. Very few want to talk about the truth guns play in the genocide of Black boys and Black men, hindering the birth of Black children and denying fatherhood. “Black Fathers Matter Too!”
Sadly, due to the above atrocities that have happened to our Black boys and Black men, they have been forced to straddle the fence between a White society that provides them with a false promise and a Black society that provides them with an American reality. Unless Black men are making money for the majority society through their athletic abilities (physical), such as football and basketball, Black men are rarely revered for their cognitive, intellectual, and leadership abilities. Although Black men comprise seventy percent of NFL football players, they are rarely provided the opportunity to become economically independent as a result of the professional games they play. They are not seen as being ‘smart enough’ to lead and to own. They are rarely placed in positions of quarterback, head coach, or team owner, and they are often denied positions in the C-Suites of the corporate offices. They risk their lives, in order to put on a show for, and to bring wealth to the majority men, who look nothing like them, have little or no respect for them, and continuously deny their advancement. When Black NFL players are injured, they are treated as if they are ‘three-fifths’ of a man by the White majority, who engage in what they call, “race norming.” But hold up; this is nothing new! The concept of institutional racism for Black men and Blacks as a whole has been the norm, rather than the exception for over four hundred years in America. Once again the Black man is treated unequally and equity is a joke, as he watches the negative economic impacts on his family.
It’s often because of the denial of Black men and their rights that too many Black families have difficulty leaving an inheritance for their children, let alone their grandchildren. No matter what the situation or circumstances, it’s time for America to recognize and accept that because Black boys matter, Black men matter, “Black Fathers Matter Too!”
These often skewed and misrepresented beliefs about Black men and Black fathers often causes misconceptions and shaded perceptions by their children, often hindering these fathers in their emotional connections with their children. As a result, there have been and continue to be generation after generation of Black children either growing up with fathers who are emotionally absent, physically absent, or totally unknown to their children (for one reason or another). And society has the audacity to question the sixty-eight percent single parent rate in the Black community. Whatever the case, every child is created with the help of a man…the man called father. There are many Black men who have served and continue to serve as GREAT Black fathers to their children! Black father DO matters!
It is important to recognize and remember that fatherhood is more than the quantity of time spent with your children or the amount of money or material things you can provide for your children. It’s not spending ten hours with your children without connection, but spending one hour of in-depth conversation and concentration, with them, including engaging in that hug and the wholeness of the time spent together. It is loving your child unconditionally, even if you have nothing monetary or material to give. It is the quality of the time you spend with your child that makes the difference and decides fatherhood. As a Black father or any father, it is not the money, but the moments you spend on and with your child. It is not the amount of time, but the timeliness of the time that you spend with your child that determines fatherhood. It is not the value of the material things you give to your child that determines the quality of your role as a father, but the might of the positive messages you give and the lessons you teach and share with your child, as well as the type of role model you are for your child. It's also not the lip service of saying ‘I love you’ to your child, as it is the actions of making your child a priority, showing that he/she matters and that as a father you also matter.
What would happen if the Black sons and daughters of Black men were taught and told the total, unbiased, unobstructed truth about their history, including the journey of their Black male and female ancestors, along with the truth about slavery, about racism, about discrimination, about the torment and torture that their fathers and their fathers’ fathers endured, and survived, using their experiences as stepping stones, instead of stumbling blocks? What if they were told and taught the truth and history about the strength, survival, endurance, and tenacity of strong Black men and Black fathers who have impacted and are still impacting the development of America? What if they were taught about Crispus Attucks, Nat Turner, Carter G. Woodson, Benjamin Banneker, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, Alvin Ailey, Marvin Gaye, Jesse Jackson, Barack Obama, Jesse Owens, W.E.B. DuBois, Arthur Ashe, Ralph Ellison, Richard Wright, Stokely Carmichael, and the thousands of other strong Black male fathers who helped to shape and build America? They would then be able to not only hear about and see the strength, the stamina, the courage, but also the stability and survival of their forefathers, whether living or deceased. They would come to revere the very essence and the presence of their fathers, in the present and in the past.
No father is perfect, Black, White, Brown, or other! As a matter-of-fact, no one is perfect! Let’s celebrate fatherhood and the Black men who have stepped up to the plate and continue to step up to the plate in the lives of their children. And for those Black men who have been unable to assume their role as father, for whatever reason, let another black man step up and help; the children belong to ALL of us! It is incumbent upon each of us to remind Black fathers that we expect no less of them as fathers than we do of mothers. As you embark upon the occasion to celebrate Father’s Day, here is your opportunity to celebrate the man who was instrumental in your existence as a human being…your father.
Here is your opportunity to pay homage to the man who has shown you love, guided you, spent quality time with you, didn’t give up on you during tough times, stood by your mother through thick and thin with you and for you, and has been a shoulder to lean on. This man doesn’t have to be your biological father; but if he has shown you the qualities of a father, he is worth celebrating. You might know him as dad, granddad, uncle, an older brother, a trusted male friend of the family, a neighbor, or a male mentor; take the time to thank him and celebrate him!! Whether you’re Black, Brown, White, or Indigenous, you cannot deny the fact that your father contributed to your life in a major way. HE HELPED TO CREATE YOU! And whether he was physically present in your life or not, and whether he did or didn’t provide for you monetarily or materially, it’s time for you to forgive and let go! If you are a Black man holding onto the lack you endured from your father, you will lack love for your own children.
Because Black fathers have not been fully recognized, respected, and revered as Black men, here is your opportunity to acknowledge your Black father, whether he is in this realm of life or if he has transcended to another state of being. It’s not too late to say ‘I love you and I thank you!’ It is never too late for you and others to proudly and boldly stand and affirm that “Black Fathers Matter Too,” no matter what others think, believe, an proclaim!! You have the final say…just say it!
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