We say Goodbye hundreds, maybe thousands of times in our life. To people, places, things, patterns & experiences. Some are welcome, some we never want and some we don't see coming. There are permanent goodbyes, "just for now" goodbyes and "I don't know how long" goodbyes. And then there are those times where we avoid goodbye altogether.
Goodbyes run the gamut from rich & meaningful to heart wrenching or bittersweet. Some are exciting, some provide relief, some are filled with anger or righteous indignation...
I think you get the point. No goodbye is the same. Yet in all goodbyes, there is the thread of separation. We also leave with something - a memory, a lesson, a feeling.
In its essence, a Good Goodbye has qualities of both acceptance & of letting go.
While most of us are not great at goodbyes, we can become more adept, and in the process enrich our life as well as the lives of others. Improving with small & medium goodbyes helps us prepare for the bigger ones we all inevitably encounter.
What Gets In Our Way?
- Our busy life = Not enough time
- It's uncomfortable = We don't like the feelings that arise
- We don't know how it will go
- We may not think it matters
- We tell ourselves - "I'm not good at this"
- We don't know how
So We May...
- Distance ourselves
- Get angry, cry, negotiate or act needy
- Make excuses
- Avoid it altogether
What If Instead, We...
Recognize that most goodbyes are mixed. Part Yes and part No. They are both events - a moment in time and processes - something that takes time. Realize and understand that how we feel about the goodbye depends on the impact it has for us and the meaning we attach.
Consider what opportunity a Good Goodbye could offer.
Maybe it's a chance to:
- Reflect
- Show appreciation
- Pay respect
- Receive
- Celebrate
- Take accountability
- See, Hear & Acknowledge
- Repair
- Alleviate suffering
- Let go of something that no longer serves us
- Clear the air and Resolve or Agree to disagree
- Create a smooth transition
- Close the door or leave it open
- Give us a sense of control
- Contribute & Grow
- Feel proud of how we handled the situation
- Prevent us from getting stuck & having knots to untie later
- Allow us to move forward
Much of the time, we can have a say in how our goodbyes go.
Be Curious with Yourself:
- What are my beliefs & values around endings?
- Are these actually true? Or old stories I tell myself?
- How is it different if I am the one leaving vs the one being left?
Ask Yourself:
- What is the meaning I'm attaching to this goodbye?
- What value(s) or belief(s) are impacted?
- How "BIG" is it now? How big will it be in a few years?
- What are my takeaways (lessons learned) from this?
And Then:
- How do I want to be remembered in this situation?
- What am I trying to convey?
- What can I say and/or do that will leave me feeling good about how I handled it?
- How can I make it enjoyable?
Remember, there are certain situations where saying goodbye in your head is enough. It doesn't always have to be public in order to accept and let go.
The next time a goodbye arrives, I invite you to grab the opportunity. Slow down and make the time. Stay honest, present and allow your emotions to be what they are. Pay attention to location, tone & timing. Recognize it may be harder than you thought. Trust your intentions. Lean into it and lean on your supports. Show yourself and others compassion.
Whether you give or receive a Good Goodbye, it is an experience you are likely never to forget.
