Happy Pride Month!❤️💛💚💙💜

The Stonewall Riots began in the early morning of June 28, 1969 when New York Police Department raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay club located in Greenwich Village in New York City. The raid sparked a riot among patrons and residents as police roughly hauled employees and patrons out of the bar, leading to six days of protests and violent clashes with law enforcement outside the bar on Christopher Street, in neighboring streets and in nearby Christopher Park.

The Stonewall Riots served as a catalyst for the LGBTQ Civil Rights Movement in the United States and around the world. Fable has it that Marsha P. (“Pay it no mind”) Johnson, a Greenwich Village community leader and activist, threw a shot glass at the mirror in the burned-out Stonewall bar exclaiming, “I got my civil rights”. This was ‘the shot heard round the world’ for the LGBTQ liberation movement. And so June became Pride month and June 28^th became Pride Day. June of 2019 marked the 50^th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising and ongoing struggle for LGBTQ rights.

The Pride Flag in Teaneck

The first World Pride event, which promotes LGBTQ issues internationally, was held in Rome in 2000. The second one in Jerusalem in 2006. And the sixth was held in Manhattan in 2019 to mark the 50^th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, with five million people attending its events.

In conjunction with the 50^th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, residents of Teaneck approached the Council to request that Teaneck recognize its own LGBTQ community by raising the rainbow Pride flag on the village green. Many towns in North Jersey were raising Pride flags that June, including Clifton, Glen Rock, Ridgewood, Rochelle Park, Oradell, Rutherford, and Westwood as expressions of inclusiveness and welcome to a community that had for so long been marginalized. Ceremonies were held to recognize the contributions of LGBTQ residents in their respective towns. But Teaneck Council dragged their feet to raise the Pride Flag. Instead, they issued a proclamation recognizing June as Pride month and commemorating the 50^th Anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising.

Two fundamental obstacles were raised. John Shadhanian, the Township Attorney said that if flag-raising was allowed for one group, it would be open for all groups, even ones that the town and Council did not feel were appropriate. And the second ancillary obstacle was that the Town would face lawsuits if it accepted one group and denied another. And, indeed, threats to sue have been made by a resident wishing the town to raise a “pro-life flag”.

On the face of it, these concerns sound eminently reasonable. However, when one reads Teaneck Ordinance #28-2019 that the Council adopted in September of 2019 to “overcome” the above obstacles, the concerns appear in a slightly different light. The Ordinance itself says that the Government Speech Doctrine articulated by the Supreme Court decades ago already establishes exactly what the Ordinance sets out to do, namely, that government has its own rights as a speaker; and these rights are immune from free speech challenges as long as the speech expressed does not show religious preference. The rationale for the Government Speech Doctrine is that the government could not function if it was unable to favor or disfavor points of view in enforcing a program.

So, it would seem that a special Teaneck Ordinance was not really required to assert what the Supreme Court had already established.

For those involved in the struggle to recognize LGBTQ rights, Teaneck’s delay in raising the Pride Awareness flag may have felt like foot-dragging in a town so proud of its diversity and inclusiveness; a town with a widely acclaimed Teaneck International Film Festival which for sixteen years has brought issues of marginalized and oppressed groups to the public eye; a town whose resident and prominent state Senator, Loretta Weinberg, was instrumental in getting New Jersey to adopt laws of marriage equality and protections against discrimination which have become a model for other states; and a town which also established a Pride Awareness Advisory Board in 2019, chaired by Meghan Dunleavy.

The Fight for Marriage Equality and Other Basic Rights Continues

By Senator Loretta Weinberg

When speaking to groups about some of the challenges that come with being a legislator, I often cite the narrative of the marriage equality issue as an example of how the legislative process can take time, and may involve disappointment and setbacks, but if you are willing to keep your eye on the goal, you can reach it eventually.

I remember my first real engagement on the marriage equality issue, back during the days of the McGreevey administration, when we successfully passed the domestic partnership act. I was thinking that we had taken such a small step, but when I went to an event in Maplewood, there were a thousand people there cheering the new law. I will never forget feeling that we had done so little, but made so many people so happy.

In my life as a public official, I have tried to push policies and legislation that sought to grant people equal access. Marriage equality fits that bill, an issue that gained momentum over the years. Many people besides myself stood up shoulder to shoulder against ingrained bigotry and hypocrisy, time and again.

In 2007, when we passed the so-called “Civil Unions,” bill into law, it really guaranteed most of the same rights as marriage, but some legislators couldn’t bring themselves to call it marriage, so we came up with “civil unions.” At the time, I believe Massachusetts had the only marriage equality law in the land. There were many positives about that law, which updated the existing domestic partnership law to allow for same-sex couples to take another’s surname without a court hearing, be able to jointly adopt and be entitled to inheritances.

As the years went on, though, it became clear to me that the idea of “civil unions” might have been a good first step, but it was not enough. Indeed, it was flawed and vague, and not so far removed from the long-held notion of “separate but equal,” in regard to civil rights, public schools and public accommodations for people of color and others who faced discrimination through much of the 20th Century.

Which brings us, in 2009, and the first “Freedom of Religion and Equality in Civil Marriage Act,” legislation which I sponsored along with Senator Ray Lesniak. That bill went down to a 20-14 defeat in the Senate. Later, during the debate on the second marriage equality law in 2012, Senate President Steve Sweeney gave an emotional speech on the Senate floor, in support marriage equality, after he had apologized for his vote to abstain on the earlier bill.

“What is silly is that we actually have to debate something as elementary as equal protection under the law for all residents,” Sweeney said in that 2012 speech. “The passage of this bill is the right thing, and the just thing.”

We were finally able to get that bill passed, in 2012, only to have it vetoed by Governor Christie.

In October 2013, the state Supreme Court denied Christie’s request for a stay in the case Garden State Equality v. Dow, and ultimately, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right to same-sex marriage in Obergefell v. Hodges, in 2015.

Achieving true social reform, such as marriage equality or even basic civil rights, requires focus, discipline, patience and prodding, along with the realization that you might not get everything you want on the first try. On marriage equality, we were able to keep chipping away, making progress -- small steps at first, until finally reaching our goal.

In remembering all those who fought the good fight on this issue, I think on this eve of Pride Month we in New Jersey should remind ourselves of what it was all about in the first place. In doing so, I close with an excerpt from a floor speech I gave on the day of the defeat of the first marriage equality bill, Jan. 9, 2010, words that resonate with me today as much as they did then:

“Men and women don’t have exclusive rights to relationships built on trust, love, compassion and everything else that bonds two people together.

“We all know same-sex couples that enjoy the same love and trust and compassion that is shared between a man and a woman, between a husband and a wife.

“Who are any of us that we have some special knowledge that lets us deny marriage as inappropriate to loving and committed same-sex adults?

“Same sex couples are entitled to the same legal protections — the same societal acceptance and the same ability to honor and celebrate their love as everyone else.”

Senator Loretta Weinberg (D-Teaneck), is Senate Majority Leader of the New Jersey Senate.

“PRIDE Is Being Able to Be Open and Proud of Who You Are In Public”

An Interview with Meghan Dunleavy

Meghan Dunleavy is a 32-year-old non-binary, bi-sexual and is Chair of the Teaneck Pride Advisory Board. Teaneck Voices met with them (their preferred pronoun) on Zoom. Their words were so rich and meaningful, that Teaneck Voices wanted you to hear directly from them, in this edited (for length) interview.

What does the Word Pride mean to you?

The word Pride encompasses so many things, particularly how the history of pride happened, with Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera both being trans women of color throwing the first bricks at Stonewall [June 28, 1969], and Stonewall being a riot against police brutality. The movement was started by the most marginalized “others”.

So, Pride has taken on not just the meaning of self-pride, but being able to be open and proud of who you are in public – and proud enough to exist. People who try to say otherwise – that we don’t have the right to be who we are, that we shouldn’t be who we are in public, or that we are somehow bad influences on the community or kids, or things like that. Unfortunately, those are still very common stereotypes. So, for me, Pride is not just about waving a flag, or a parade even. It’s about reaching out to people every day, and showing up as a member of the community, and being who you are unapologetically, and informing people about it constantly.

How do you do that?

By literally just being me. I’m out for the most part. All of my friends know. My family knows – they’re amazing – any time there’s a question they always ask. We’ve had some really good conversations. And we’ve all learned from it, which has been pretty incredible. And I am very blessed to have the family that I do in that respect.

I love the way you talk about Pride. Is Rainbow connected to that?

I love the Pride Flag in that way. It represents a spectrum – just like the rainbow is representative of the spectrum of light. The rainbow is, for our community, a spectrum of all the people it encompasses. The more that we develop language for the identities and better understanding one another, the more we realize just how many people are in our community and how many people can benefit from the advocacy that we provide, and the safety we provide, and the lack of judgement and how we all try to empower one another.

I have heard many LGBTQI people say that they found care in that community – a community of caring.

Yes, that’s what I found as well. I started slowly coming out in college, and my sophomore year I joined the Christian Union And so many people that I met from the Christian Union are people I am still in touch with today when I came out publicly on Facebook that I was bi-sexual, and when I came out as non-binary, they were some of the first people to reach out to me and say “I’m so proud of you,” “I’m so happy for you,” “We love you,” “Thank you for telling us,” “We’re so happy that you get to be your authentic self,” because more than anybody else, other people in our community know what it feels like to be free of the consequences of just telling people who you are.

And I’m sure you have suffered some of that yourself.

It’s not like aren’t issues with the LGBTQI community. As a bi-sexual person, bi-phobia exists both inside and outside of the community. But, as a whole, I’m very grateful that the overwhelming majority of my experiences in any LGBTQI event has been overwhelmingly supportive. And that anybody who becomes disparaging or questions other people or the legitimacy, it was so quickly checked and so quickly corrected, and constantly the affirmation that this is supposed to be a safe space – and creating and maintaining that, has always been really important. I think that’s one of the beautiful things about US.

That’s what so many of us want [a partner who will care]. So many of us want a really, really good friend . . . . As human beings, we all want to form attachments to someone, want connections that are stable and supportive. When you finally find that after feeling really alone, it’s a relief as much as anything else, like, wow, there are other people like this, there are others like me. We can joke about it, we can laugh, we can poke fun at ourselves without it being someone from the outside disparaging us, without us being the butt of the joke. We’re allowed to joke about it, but you don’t have the right to make a joke about us.

Are there any Pride events that will be held in Teaneck during June that are particularly meaningful to you?

We are going to be doing the Flag Raising. I am hoping that we will be having a newly updated flag called the Progress Flag. It was designed by a gentlemen named Daniel Quasar out of Portland, Oregon. I’m hoping we can get that one – if not, the one that we used last year with the black and the brown stripes for Black Lives Matter. The Progress Flag includes the black and brown stripes and also includes the chevron with colors specially aimed for the Trans and Ase (asexual) Community. The chevron faces outward showing that we still have a lot of progress to make going forward, in protecting the most marginalized of our community. We may not be able to get the flag because of backorder issues, but we want to maintain our support of the Black community with the black and brown stripes on the traditional flag.

When is the Teaneck flag-raising?

Sunday, June 6^th. We wanted to make it on a weekend so as many people as possible could attend. I think it’s a good public display of where the town stands. It’s a good way to remind people. People in a marginalized community can become invisible. I think sometimes if I’m just walking down this street, how many of these people would support me if they knew? How many people would avoid me? How many would be aggressive? So having something like a flag-raising showing this overwhelming display of support by the town, particularly for a new young baby gay just coming out, it would be an important thing to make me feel empowered. Especially for the youth. To me it’s much more about the youth who are still feeling stigmatized, not receiving supportive messages from their communities or their families. The public flag-raising says “There are people out there for you.”

Does it matter where in Teaneck the flag is raised as long as it is on public ground where people gather?

I, personally, thought that a public park, one of the biggest parks in the town, the one where we have sports teams coming in from other towns, and people coming in from other towns and using the walking paths, the basketball courts, the playgrounds is about as “in your face” as you can get! I do understand why people wanted it to be on the town green – I do understand why that location feels significant – but I never saw that putting it at Votee was hiding it. For me, as I said, I think the flag affects the younger kids more – and guess where kids go? They go to a park! Most kids go only to the library, they don’t congregate by the municipal building and the police station! So I think that where the flag is now is not just acceptable, I think it is a good thing.

Is there more that Teaneck as a town or individuals can do to support you? We thought we were helping you when we protested flying the flag someplace other than the municipal green. But we never asked any of you if we were helping?

I would love to see just little things – normalizing the asking of what pronouns you prefer (they, them, it?) so that people who don’t use he/she feel more comfortable telling people their pronouns. It would be good if people did not assume that everybody thinks of their identity as they do. The most critical thing with any marginalized community, if you’re trying to help them, ASK what they want, don’t assume you know what they want. Obviously, we are not a monolith, we all have different opinions about things, but asking us what kind of aid we need and what support actually looks like, can sometimes be very different than what people think. Most of us would like to describe our relationships in our own terms, not your terms. And be aware of the most marginalized, like the Black members of the LGBTQI community. It is more difficult for them than for me as a non-binary, bi-sexual who is WHITE.

Like any marginalized community, we’re not just looking for allies, we’re looking for co-conspirators to stand up for what is right. I first heard that term from Feminista Jones, and I said, “Hell, yeah!!”

We need people who are going to stand in front of a bigot and say “That’s not OK! And we’re going to protect this person until you walk away. That’s what we need!”

Thank you so much, Meghan.

Our Granddaughters Have Two Moms

By Barbara Ley Toffler

The voice at the other end of the phone was a little shaky. “Hi.” It was our middle daughter/step-daughter, Catherine, an exuberant, high-energy, at that time nationally-recognized bike racer. “I had a kind of an accident – but I’m all right.” With carefully chosen words, she described her injuries – which did not sound “all right.” “But, I’ve got a wonderful person taking care of me, my friend Anne.” Anne, we learned, was, at that time, the top Canadian bike racer, and also a caring, strong, extraordinarily capable woman who nursed Catherine through medical and dental procedures back to good health.

It was not a total surprise when, a few months later, Catherine called to say she and Anne, who took care of her and was now her girlfriend, were coming from Colorado for a visit. We had met Catherine’s female and male romantic partners, and like so many parents, were keeping our fingers crossed that Catherine would find the right mate for her. By right mate, we were not thinking of gender – we were thinking of temperament, personality, disposition, outlook on the world, values, sense of humor – and a few more of those “intangibles!” We were hoping for a person who was appropriately compatible on some qualities, and would complement our daughter on some other qualities.

We lucked out!!! The best example I can offer, jumping ahead a bit in this story, is Catherine and Anne managing Catherine’s labor giving birth to Olympia. We have the video of a birthing room, reggae and hip-hop music blaring, hugely pregnant Catherine dancing wildly around the room to speed things along, and Anne sitting quietly in a chair, monitoring Catherine’s contractions, keeping the midwives informed, and reining in her whirling dervish of a wife! That was them! That is them!

To return to the story, on August 8, 2009, Catherine and Anne were married at the beautiful Mad River Farm in Vermont (a state that had securely legalized same-sex marriages), with both families happily in attendance. They were married by Anne’s father, a Dutch Reformed Minister.

After Olympia’s birth, Anne, Catherine and Olympia had a long wait – but in August, 2017, they all adopted a newborn sister for Olympia, Jasper Simone!!

Today, May 28, is special – not just because Teaneck Voices is celebrating Pride Month. Today, May 28is Olympia’s 10^th birthday!!! Olympia enjoys celebrations like birthday and Mothers’ Day. This year she created a Mothers’ Day video for her Mama and Mommy for which she wrote and sang a special song. Here is the link. Enjoy!

Teaneck Voices Interview with Jeremy Lentz

Photo Credit to: Aaron Cobbett

Jeremy is the Executive Director of the Teaneck International Film Festival, showcasing feature films, shorts, and documentaries that highlight a variety of cultural and social justice issues. Jeremy has spent many years involved in activism both within and outside the festival, fighting for our society to be more inclusive and accepting.

Are you a member of the Teaneck Pride Advisory Board? No.

What does Pride mean to you?

Pride to me is the commemoration of the 1969 Stonewall Uprising. On June 28^th 1969, police raided The Stonewall Inn, a Greenwich Village bar. Tired of the ongoing raids and harassment, the LGBTQ community rose up and fought back - sparking what would become The Stonewall Riots and the start of The Gay Liberation Movement.

For me personally, Pride is an affirmation and celebration of being able to live our own truth without shame or stigma. Many struggle with being their true authentic selves, and to have "Pride" means that you are able to have a strong sense of self regardless of what society may dictate as the "norm." Pride is inclusive though; all people are represented by all the colors of the rainbow which now includes black and brown along with the trans colors of pink, white and light blue. When we celebrate Pride we are affirming the right of all to live and love freely!

The Mayor's daughter is chair of the Pride committee and has stated that there will be a month filled with Pride events within the community.

Are there any particular Pride events that you will be attending in Teaneck that feel especially meaningful to you?

Yes, as a member of Temple Emeth, Teaneck's reform synagogue, I attend their annual Pride Shabbat service which is open to the entire community. This year I have been invited to do a reading to commemorate the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando at the June 11th Pride Shabbat Service. The service will be streamed and I would encourage anyone who wants to attend to reach out to Temple Emeth for the Zoom link if they are not members of the congregation.

As for the Township, I believe there will be a flag raising on June 1st at the Votee Park Sportsplex. As of this writing I have not seen any official information about Township Pride plans. I hope that the Town Council and the Pride Committee will organize and promote Pride activities in a timely manner.

What do you think people can do this Pride Month to raise awareness about important issues that impact the global LGBTQ community?

Create safe and inclusive spaces for those in the LGBTQ community
Reach out to those in the LGBTQ community and ask what issues are important and meaningful to them.
Fly a Pride flag to show solidarity and support – symbols and visibility matter - especially for those who may be struggling to come out and for those who don't feel safe.
If you are able to - Come out!
Attend a Pride event and bring someone who has never attended so they can learn about our community. There is a Queer Liberation March planned in NYC this June and NYC Pride is planning many events both virtual and in-person. Many towns in our county, including Teaneck, are having flag raisings and programs in June. Look for announcements of events in the Teaneck Public Library, schools, Puffin Cultural Forum and houses of worship, and plan to participate - or work with organizations in towns that have no programs to plan something.
Sponsor a film at The Teaneck International Film Festival on a LGBTQ issue.
Learn about LGBTQ history by going to a museum, watching a film, attending a theatrical performance.
Have no time but want to show support? Write a check to an organization that supports the LGBTQ community (Broadway Cares Equity Fights AIDS, Human Rights Campaign, The Trevor Project, SAGE, and Garden State Equality are a few LGBTQ organizations that are near and dear to my heart.)

After a long battle, the Council agreed to fly the Pride flag in Votee Park, what would you like to see next?

There is a movement forming now in Bergen County to establish an LGBTQ community center. Bergen County, one of the wealthiest counties in the nation, is home to over 1 million residents, and has one of the largest LGBTQ populations in New Jersey, but is poorly lacking in services that should be available to our community.

A center would foster a welcoming environment for all with services for advocacy, healthcare and wellness programs, cultural activities, recovery programs, assistance for youth - including counseling and suicide prevention, and family support services. A center would also enable the LGBTQ community to mobilize and respond when local municipalities are not being inclusive to all members of their communities. Right now members of the LGBTQ community are forced to go to New York City for certain services which are needed closer to home.

As for Teaneck, I would like to see our government assume a leadership role in celebrating and serving its LGBTQ community. Better publicizing of LGBTQ events, and attendance by all of Teaneck's elected officials at these events would be a good start.

In addition, much can be done to honor amazing Teaneck residents who have been responsible for the advancement of LGBTQ equality in the state of New Jersey and beyond. Our own State Senator Loretta Weinberg was instrumental in supporting every pro LGBTQ law in the state of New Jersey, and she should be celebrated for this. Former Teaneck resident Steven Goldstein founded Garden State Equality and was responsible for lobbying for marriage equality and so much more. The Teaneck International Film Festival has been raising awareness of LGBTQ issues and causes for the past 15 years. Let's recognize and celebrate our great Teaneck residents, organizations, and their contributions to LGBTQ equality.

Do you view Teaneck as a LGBTQ+ friendly town? If so why? If not, why not? What can we do better?

Yes, Teaneck is certainly a very welcoming town for LGBTQ. Having lived and worked here for over 15 years I can attest to how I have been welcomed by neighbors and residents from the first day I moved here. I have also seen steps taken by the Board of Education to provide a secure environment for LGBTQ students and staff. As a result, I have seen the substantial growth of the LGBTQ community. Gay families with children, and gay singles are choosing to live here because of our history of inclusion.

However, there is still more that can be done to make our community even more inclusive and welcoming. I believe it is important for our straight allies to demonstrate that they are standing up to homophobia. Our religious institutions must ensure that all feel welcomed and respected, regardless of orientation or gender identity, and must play a role in making our town more accepting of all. We must continue to work on fostering respect for, and appreciation of, differences - to talk through problems and arrive at answers that are satisfactory to all.

Our diversity is our strength and is what makes Teaneck great. The more we can do to show our commitment to diversity and our respect for all people, the stronger, more attractive, and more vibrant our town will be.

Teaneck's Rainbow Church: St. Paul Lutheran Church

St Paul Lutheran Church is what is known as a Rainbow Church, a church which is welcoming and affirming to all including members of the LGBTQIA Community. The practice of welcoming and affirming members of the LGBTQIA community has even earlier history in Teaneck. A member of the Church shared their personal story of living and growing up in Teaneck as a member of the LGBTQIA Community.

When I was growing up in Teaneck during the 1960s and 70s I don’t remember anyone ever talking about LGBT, and I didn’t even understand that I am gay myself. In the 1980s I slowly became aware of what was going on with me. In the early 1980s, our congregation, Saint Paul Lutheran Church of Teaneck, welcomed into our building a new group to support people with AIDS called the New Jersey Buddies. People had questions back then about how AIDS was transmitted and so there were educational opportunities. Some congregation members took the training to become “buddies” for people with AIDS. A gay couple joined our congregation and seemed to be accepted and loved by all. During this time, I referred to the woman who is now my wife as my “roommate.” A woman in the congregation told me I shouldn’t call her that… That she’s more to me than that. This was a wake-up call to me that I needed a name for the woman I loved. This was a big step towards me becoming comfortable with revealing who I am.

Throughout the 1980s and 1990s I found myself naturally becoming more open about my relationship and never once had anyone blinking an eye. There was no question from Holy Name Hospital emergency room or a bank or a financial person. It seemed I was being more private than needed.

In the 2000s people started speaking out proudly for the rights that I benefit from today. Marriage equality enhanced my financial future and my ability to get

health insurance. These two benefits are very important ones. My now wife and I moved in together in 1979. Since that time we’ve committed ourselves to each other, we legally became domestic partners, had a civil union ceremony with reception, and are now married. We are very committed!

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