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“Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”
– Matthew 18:21-22
I’m all for forgiveness, it’s the giving and receiving of it that remain difficult for me. Could that be the elephant in the room when mercy is the subject? The idea of mercy is attractive. The practice of mercy can be a real slog.
The receiving of mercy can be a challenge due to the nagging sense that you’re still on the hook for something, and thus, reconciliation is impeded because suspicion is a most able wrestler against gratitude. Relief is supplanted by fear that inevitably the other shoe will drop, and its price will be steep for you.
The giving of mercy can be a trial because even if we’d like to think we are forgiving, our mercy is dogged by the distress that our wound will not be fully acknowledged, the offender will not feel chastened and will evade the sting of justice. I think we’d go along with Jesus in saying – Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do – if Jesus would just let us keep ten to twenty folks in the penalty box, maybe not for eternity, but at least for a millennium (and of course, it would have to be an actual penalty box, full of sweat, stink and spit while forced to sit with cramping legs on a heavily splintered, hard wooden bench … but I digress).
However, that’s not how forgiveness works, and I am grateful for that. As per usual, God has thought this through more fully than we ever will, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a good reason Jesus pulls out the multiplication table when speaking of our need to forgive. You see, God has seen how surly, vengeful, bitter, and diminished we become when we don’t forgive. You’ve heard the truism, refusing to forgive is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. Mercy is freedom. The possibility of a meaningful future opens up for you because you are no longer exhausted and nauseated by the effort required to hold in the toxic blend of bitterness, anger, and resentment. Mercy doesn’t mean you’ll be booking a cruise with the offender. It may just mean that you can leave the baggage of toxicity you’ve been packing behind and actually look forward to the banquet ahead of you. Forgiveness may mean that you get to the point where you can wish the other person well on their own journey and mean it.
Scholars debate whether Jesus meant seventy-seven times or seventy times seven. It doesn’t matter that much, because we all know that whatever the number is, we have quite a ways to go before we get to it. Amazingly, the scenery mercy begets keeps improving along the way.
Grace and Peace,
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