Jewish fatherhood, that mitzvah of heroism, faithfulness, and moral certitude placed on Jewish men by Torah, separates the men from the boys - or put another way, the righteous from the pagan.
Ours was the first tradition in the history of mankind that called for taking responsibility for fathering children. Previously, men had license to impregnate women without a context of responsibility, legitimacy, or family. Men were under no obligation to assume the safety and security of their children, whose unprotected and undervalued lives frequently succumbed to the harsh realities of life.
Jewish fatherhood, so cherished and appreciated by our community for generations, has suffered moral disintegration in the age of abortion. Jewish men suffer, whether deprived of fatherhood by an abortion minded spouse or girlfriend, or directly complicit in the killing of his child by paying for the abortion. On a gut level, they know they have violated our moral law - a law that says it's wrong to kill innocent human beings. It is heinously contrary to Torah to sacrifice one's own baby for any reason, however justified by secular culture, religious pressure, or professional reputation. A wrong has been done and the Jewish conscious is not easily silenced.
When the Jewish man coerces his partner into abortion, he may feel relief immediately afterward from the social, financial, or religious consequences of claiming fatherhood. Later, though, feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt often surface. These uncomfortable feelings come out in destructive behaviors - excessive drinking, drug use, suicidal feelings, risk taking or maybe running from relationship to relationship unable to make commitments.
Alternatively and tragically, men have no legal rights concerning abortion, and may feel powerless to save their own child. This leads to feelings of rage, emptiness, and lost fatherhood. Jewish men, told that abortion is legal in Judaism and preferable to single fatherhood or marrying a non-Jewish woman, have no support to cope with these feelings. In many cases, because the baby may be seen as problematic or embarrassing, the adoption option is never explored. Another Jewish baby loses its life, and another Jewish man loses his soul.
Many Jewish men sitting in worship services suffer in silent torment from their abortion experience, deeply disturbed with guilt, remorse, unprocessed grief, and resentment towards family and friends who counseled for or allowed the abortion. Self-hate undermines self esteem and worldly success because these men realize too late that they failed to understand the gravity of the abortion choice. They are plagued with the spiritual disconnection from HaShem that every Jew feels after taking actions that hurt the innocent, lack kindness and mercy, and fall short of Jewish moral teachings.
Little support exists within the Jewish community for our struggling men. No help comes from Jewish professionals and leadership, most of whom believe that abortion is legal in Judaism, an acceptable form of birth control, and that it should leave no lasting ill effects on body, mind or soul. Rabbis receive no training on post-abortive grief, so they can offer no spiritual support. Synagogue membership remains uninformed, uneducated, and disinterested about the problem because post abortive syndrome and possible remedial programming is seen as undermining support and advocacy for abortion rights.
The Jewish Pro-Life Foundation offers a post abortion healing program available by telephone, email, and face to face support. Our program, Tikvat Rachel, is free of charge and open to any post abortive Jew - young or old, male or female, religious or secular. For more information visit jewishprolifefoundation.org/post-abortion.
This Father's Day, when we celebrate the responsibilities and joys of fatherhood, let us be mindful of the loss of too many Jewish children due to abortion, and the lost fatherhood that accompanies each one of these innocent souls.
"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." Eli Wiesel
