Greetings!
Last night, Betty Toft ended her long and difficult journey into the arms of her Lord. I met Betty and her late husband Norman when I first visited PCWS on the day I was presented as your pastor candidate. From the moment I met her, Betty was salty with me. She did not approve of my bowties and made that clear. But it was also clear, that there was something underneath that bristly exterior — something thirsty for love in a way that I would come to experience was far more than you or I could ever satisfy. Betty’s heart was yearning to be seen, loved, known, and understood. This thirst and yearn had been with her whole life and for much of that time it was unsatisfied and the disappointment from that often manifested itself in the way she saw those around her.
The first thing that many of you mention when talking about Betty and Norman (especially the “balcony dwellers” among you) is that they always looked put-together at church. They consistently looked sharp, and you also never wanted to sit in “their” pew. There’s something about finding a place where you feel comfortable, and in all of the tumult of her life, Betty obviously felt comfortable in that pew, in the balcony, in our church. We give thanks for her finding a space where she found a place.
Over the last two years, Betty’s health has been in a difficult state. Our PCWS Christmas Caroling group visited her at this time two years ago at Plymouth Place and very soon after that she was rushed to La Grange Hospital and I was called in and her death seemed imminent. I sat with Betty and waited by her side and prayed with her and for her as she slipped into unconsciousness. Betty was ready, then, to be reunited with Norman who had died six months earlier. I was shocked to learn the next day that Betty had not died. Indeed, I wasn’t the only one who was shocked. Her doctors were a bit confused and Betty was enraged. She felt cheated and she was angry. The subsequent months were very difficult for her.
Late last year Betty moved to a new facility in St. Charles and I visited her there a few times before the pandemic. Her new home was very good for her. I saw her smile more in my visits with her there than I had previously seen. Betty seemed at peace, particularly this summer when I had FaceTime visits with her arranged by the facility staff. She smiled, she laughed, she even complimented my bowties (while also being happy that I wasn’t wearing one at the time). For all of her challenges, and all of her pain, and all of her complicated life, in those final months, it is my hope and prayer that Betty’s thirst and yearning was beginning to find peace. I don’t know, though, because I am pretty confident that the peace for which she thirsted, and the acceptance for which she yearned, is one we all seek and we all can trule only find in the arms of our Maker, the one who claims us, who holds us, and who loves us more than the world can ever love us.
The Good News of the resurrection is that Betty is with Christ now. Betty is experiencing what the world could never give her; what relationships with people left her needing. Betty is in the gentle presence of the one who brings peace - the one who knows her and the one to whom she belongs in life and in death.
Friends, please pray for Betty and for her family. One of the many complexities of Betty’s life is that her family relationships are such that I would ask that you please not try and reach out to them. If you wish to share a memory of Betty, or offer condolences, you can send them to my attention and should the opportunity present itself for me to share with Betty’s family, I will do that, but in the meantime, we will respect their wishes.
Final decisions have not been made about the future disposition of Betty’s ashes which will be at Bronswood Cemetery along with Norman’s ashes. This will likely be a private ceremony due to the pandemic. My expectation is that once we are back gathering in person together, we’ll find a way for those who wish to gather to honor and remember Norman and Betty at PCWS.
I will miss Betty, but I’m grateful that for our dear sister Betty death is past and pain has ended, and that she has now entered the joy God has prepared.
Peace,
