Genevieve Schreier

There are so many messages out there saying that we shouldn’t need each other. Indeed, needing others does bring the possibility of pain, hurt, and disappointment. It’s not surprising that it might occur to us that it’s safer to stop needing each other all together and to rely only on ourselves.

But, there is a part of the story we never talk about - the part that as humans we need each other; caring for and helping each other– and being cared for and helped are all essential to human existence and survival.

Listening to Dr. Neufeld’s keynote, I couldn’t help but reflect on my journey with my mom who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year. There is no time when dependence comes more clearly into focus than when the parent-child relationship tables begin to turn and shift with aging parents. As I care for my mother in her season of need, I am thankful for Dr. Neufeld’s reminder of the dignity in being taken care of and the fulfillment that comes from caretaking. 

“The Wisdom of Dependence” keynote reminded me that the very best we can do is to focus our attention on helping each other find somewhere to lean, and to make leaning as safe as possible for those who depend on us.

Michele Maurer

As a counsellor for more than 30 years, it occurred to me that I have a front row seat to the suffering fueled by the belief in the superiority of “independence” to “dependence”. Shame, a belief that there is something wrong with me, often emerges from a person who believes they have failed at this expectation to be independent, to not need others to do things you “should” be able to do yourself.

Youth who can’t bear to ask a parent for a ride home often pay by endangering themselves in a vehicle with intoxicated drivers. Young adults who can’t bear to ask for financial help may go hungry. Women who just gave birth may feel ashamed of their yearning and need to depend on others and so may suffer postpartum distress alone.

In short, we suffer directly from trying to be “independent” and we suffer indirectly from the shame we feel when we fall short of being able to do so. Dr. Neufeld’s "Wisdom of Dependence" keynote provides the antidote to our cultural obsession with independence. In it, he offers us a much-needed perspective that honours the ancient dance of giving and receiving that all humans need to flourish.

Lisa Weiner

Dr. Neufeld’s keynote, “The Wisdom of Dependence” , turns our societal obsession with independence on its head from the moment you hear its title. Dependence? Wise? No!, shouts our current culture, which venerates independence above all else. As only Dr. Neufeld can, he makes it crystal clear why we would do well to focus our energies and invitations not on pushing our kids to be independent, but to invite them into a deep and safe dependence on the caring and trustworthy adults in their world. The ability to be truly and sturdily independent when needed (and in good time) is born from resting deeply into dependence. This keynote gives words to a quiet, yet revolutionary, paradigm shift – one that will make a world of difference in the lives of those who are lucky enough to hear it.