It’s a little scary how closely I related to the author of an article I read recently,
Lessons Learned from a Perfectionist Coach. I’m thinking I’m not alone and there are others of you out there as well. Don’t despair, the author, LesLee Bickford,
Bright Morning blog Chief Strategy & Program Officer, shares some reflections regarding this characteristic and the impact it has on coaching relationships, which I found to be helpful.
She suggests five lessons learned:
- “I must actively tame the never-ending list of all the ways I can be and do better.” It’s important to stay away from focusing on our own shortcomings, because then that’s where we tend to focus with others. Coaching does not support that kind of judgment.
- “My role as coach is not to fix things.” I am in the same boat as the author. I love control! I love solutions! As tempting as it is to rush in and solve the problem in order to make things better, that’s not coaching. It also undermines the growth and development of the coachee. They are the only ones able to unlock the answers.
- “I must get out of my head in the conversation.” Being present in the conversation is critical to the coaching session. It takes determination to stay focused and not constantly be thinking of what to say next or what question to ask.
- “I must get out of my head after the conversation.” Dwelling on what could’ve been, serves no one. It’s important to build trust between you and the coachee and have faith that they will get to where they need to be.
- “Silence is my friend.” Silence can be beneficial to both the coach and the coachee. It can allow time for a deep breath and to invite calm, and can allow them the space to go deeper into their own thinking.
Perhaps most importantly, I’ve been reminded that no one thing defines who I am, how I show up or what I can or can’t do. Everyday I get to choose, and the more I understand myself, the better the choices I’m able to make. And the more intentional I am, the deeper relationships I am able to build. And that is the strongest possible foundation for me to coach and lead from.
I have come to realize how important it is to relinquish the thought that I must have the perfect coaching conversation. The MOST important thing I can do is show up for the person, be totally present, and listen. A great lesson I’ve learned, is if I focus on them, everything else will fall into place. This realization takes a huge amount of pressure off of me as a coach. I also realized how much I enjoy practicing coaching when I don’t hold the expectation that I have to be really good at it. I love taking every opportunity I have to practice my coaching skills and I encourage you to incorporate the skills into your daily interactions whenever possible. Like so many other things, the more you do it, the more comfortable you get.
Hopefully I’m not alone in my thinking, I’d love to hear from you what, if anything from this article, resonated with you.
Submitted by,
Barb Willier
Coaching Coordinator
Pennsylvania Key
