While planning out what to write for today's article, I was doing some other research on building trust for another client and was reminded of this great quote by Maya Angelou:
“I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you. '...There is an African which is: Be careful when the naked man offering you a shirt” - Maya Angelou
And I realized that tapping into Command as a leadership trait is linked to this idea that you can't expect others to trust you if you don't love and trust yourself.
Wait, aren't we talking about Command — the word that, for many, conjures up images of strength, authority, and power?
In other words, the exact opposite of touchy feely self-love and self-trust?
They are far from opposites.
Loving yourself and trusting yourself means you believe in yourself to handle whatever comes your way while being true to who you are, which is pretty close to the definition of Command. So not only are they not opposites, they're strongly connected and arguably symbiotic.
You cannot authentically flex your Command muscles without practicing those self-love and self-trust exercises. And, like any good workout program, repetition is key.
Since I really love to take the ball and run with analogies, as I did a few weeks ago with a football analogy I'm still clearly hanging onto here, I thought I would share with you my workout plan to build your Command muscles.
The C-Factor 7-Step Total Command Workout Plan:
Step 1: Set Your Fitness Goals - What do you hope to achieve? Thinking about what you want to work on and achieve will not only help you reach them, the goal-setting exercise in itself helps you set the direction you want to head in, as it's not the same as anyone else's. For instance, when we're thinking of fitness goals, it may be to lose weight, live longer, play with your kids more, or have more energy.
When it comes to Command, what are your goals? Do you want to speak up for yourself more or, perhaps, speak up for others? Do you want to increase your confidence? Build your influence and informal power to help you manage upwards? Feel more in control of your life? Feel like you're making decisions to build the life you want rather than decisions being made for you to give you the life you have? If you're having trouble with this, check out the list of Command qualities Libby outlined in last week's article.
Step 2: Assess Your Current Fitness Level - As important as it is to set goals so you know the direction you're heading, it's just as important to assess where you are currently. Otherwise, how will you know progress has been made?
When we start a new fitness program, we often step on the scale to note our weight, take our body measurements, and measure other biomarkers like resting heart rate, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. We also look at our current fitness performance like how long it takes to run or walk a mile.
How does this apply to self-love and self-trust to build your Command muscles?
Where are you at right now? You may determine this on your own by taking some time with yourself (which many of us fail to do) and ask yourself simple questions like "How am I feeling right now?", "What do I need to do more of to feel more like myself?", "What do I need to do less of to feel more like myself?", "How confident do I feel right now?"
Step 3: Schedule Time to Workout - Now comes the hard part. We all know that you can't wish your way to your goals, so in spite of knowing where you want to go and where you are now, you need to make a plan and give yourself the time to get there.
And while most of us would guess finding the time to physically workout is more difficult than finding time to build trust, love, and confidence in ourselves, the latter is more difficult. It not only takes intentionally giving yourself the time, but also requires you to give yourself the grace and love to do so in the first place.
Self-love begets self-love, so start by loving yourself enough to give yourself a bit of time to work on loving yourself more.
Step 4: Bring Physical Activities into Your Daily Living Activities - Why are today's generations unhealthier than the ones before? One of the reasons is general lack of activity. Incorporating more activity into our daily lives is more impactful than intensely working out for a few hours a week and doing very little in between. Walking to work or school. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Standing instead of sitting.
How does this look in this workout plan?
It could be silencing the inner critic when we take risks. Choosing self-compassion over self-contempt when we make a mistake. Or even practicing saying 'no' in situations you'd normally feel pressured to say 'yes'.
Relationship expert John Gottman reminds us that “trust is built in very small moments" and every situation presents us with the opportunity to connect with ourselves or turn away.
Step 5: Incorporate Cross-Training - As much as we thrive on routines and repetition, we're also accustomed to getting bored with the accustomed.
This is the time to try news things and vary them. Perhaps it's the opportunity to try mindfulness or meditation (here's a great 5-minute one to get your started). Or start keeping a gratitude journal. Or leverage your strengths to move outside your comfort zone. If your strength is telling others why they're great, flip it around and use that strength to tell yourself why you're great. If you're great at keeping detailed notes, start tracking when you're being true to yourself and your values.
Step 6: Leave Time for Recovery - Just as important as it is to give yourself grace and love to give yourself the time to try out these exercises, you also need to give yourself the time in between to take breaks and recognize that you won't be able to run a marathon from the start. By doing so, you'll avoid burnout and abandonment, and you'll give yourself time to think about and reflect on your workouts and daily activities to assess where you connected and where you turned away.
Step 7: Monitor Your Progress - Remember those assessments you did at the beginning? You now have a baseline to compare to. Ask yourself the same questions throughout the process, take the same assessments and see if you notice the changes.
More importantly, ask yourself: When you look in the mirror and flex, do those Command muscles show more definition?
PS - If you're someone who does better when you join a gym or hire a personal trainer, you're in luck. The C Factor Leadership Program starts in a week! And we don't have any annoying initiation fees or monthly membership costs. Sign up today!
Best,
Christine
