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"Oh Honey, ALWAYS Make Your Bed"
by Jessica Evans, BCSSI Director of Outreach
Spring is in the air today....and it's got me thinking about spring cleaning.
I remember this time last year when I was so overwhelmed with caregiving duties and I didn't have a spare minute for cleaning of ANY kind, let alone spring cleaning.
I wished for a pause or a freeze frame button to stop the dishes from piling up in the sink, the mountains of both clean & dirty laundry, the dust bunnies from taking over my house and all the other things that needed to be cleaned. I just needed to hit pause long enough to get my caregiving legs underneath of me. As someone once said in our caregiver support group, "I can handle the BIG things...it's all the little things."
My wish was never granted. I realized I was going to have to lower my standards of clean and to be more realistic of what chores I could get done in a day and spring cleaning was just out the window. I also knew that I needed a calm space in my home that didn't feel chaotic or looked like my life was spiraling out of control. And then I remembered my grandmother (better known as Nanny to me & my sister and brother) and how she would always ask me to help her make her bed whenever I would spend the night. Funny fact...I had to make the bed I slept in all by myself.. I guess she thought I needed the practice.
One morning while helping Nanny make her bed I blurted out "I hate making my bed and when I grow up I'm never going to make it!" "Oh...honey, ALWAYS make your bed." she said. "If you make your bed, your bedroom will always look clean and put together, even if there's a mess all around it.." That got me to thinking, Nanny might be on to something. Maybe if I make my bed every morning my mom won't make me clean my room anymore. I might have hated making my bed but I really hated cleaning my room. To be honest I never tested this theory to see if it worked because well...I was a kid.
But now as an adult and in this particular situation I thought this is a good time to put my Nanny's theory to test. I got out of the habit of making my bed when my husband starting working night shift.
No reason to make the bed if someone's always sleeping in it, right...? And I never picked the habit back up after he moved to day shift. But I was determined to have a space in my home that gave the appearance that I had it all together and to make this a my morning ritual.
While making my bed, I would think about my Nanny in her housecoat, her peep toe slippers, her hair still in pin curls and her bright lipstick already painted on her lips and me in my Holly Hobbie night gown, my bare feet and my matted hair, fluffing up the pillows, shaking out the sheets and pulling them tight, folding down the top sheet over the blanket, then tucking everything in nice and neat, adding the bedspread, smoothing out all the wrinkles and the little nuggets of wisdom she would share with me during this time.
After reminiscing and my bed was made I took a look around and I breathed a sigh of relief...Nanny was right! My bedroom looked cleaner even though there where baskets of laundry waiting to be folded everywhere, dust so thick on my nightstands and dressers that you could've written "dust me" on them.
Finally... a little calm amongst the chaos.
I was starting to like this daily ritual, it felt like a little self care at the beginning of the day.
I found fluffing the pillows was a good way to release any anxious feelings I was having about the day ahead, shaking out the sheets helped me shake off the negative thoughts and guilty feelings, I can't say anything good about tucking in the sheets...it's backbreaking work (maybe that's why I was Nanny's helper) and smoothing out the wrinkles on my comforter, I found very calming and soothing. My favorite part was putting that karate chop on my decorative pillows. It reminded me, I'm strong and I can do hard things....I've got this! Hiii-Ya!
You will never find me looking as glamourous as my Nanny making my bed (what was this generation's secret...they always looked so put together) . I did not out grow looking like a hot mess in the morning but my bed looks great! Some days I'm still a hot mess when I go to bed.
I can't say I was thrilled about the extra steps it took to get into bed at the end of an exhausting day and I was having second thoughts about all those decorative pillows.
Having a perfectly made bed really helped me through this difficult time. I have to admit I don't always make my bed these days but when life feels like it's piling up. I make my bed!
Another thing that was helpful was an article I read titled " Run the Dishwasher Twice" about throwing out the rule book when it comes to tasks so you can gain a little control when everything seems to be out of control. Click the button below to give it a read.
Pictured above my late sister, Tristy Martin (left), Nanny, Helen Utz (middle) and me (right)
Disclaimer the author uses some mild curse words.
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