Chaye Sarah- ‘The golden medium..’
For this year of Parsha Lesson, I will be focusing on one area of character growth, to think about in the week ahead and the benefits that a person would have from becoming better in that area.
Background
At the beginning of this week’s Parsha, the Torah tells us that Sarah, Avraham’s wife, one of the matriarchs of the Jewish people, passed away. Avraham mourned greatly over Sarah’s passing. The love and attachment that Avraham and Sarah had for one another was so great that Hashem’s shechina (presence) hovered over their tent. Avraham was understandably very saddened to lose his dear wife.
The Midrash tells us that Avraham prematurely ended his mourning period. Why was that? The Midrash explains that Avraham felt that while his mourning for his wife was certainly a mitzvah, and especially so being that Sarah was such a righteous woman, nevertheless Avraham felt himself beginning to become too sad. At that point, Avraham felt that he needed to end his mourning.
Question
Becoming too sad!? What is wrong with that? We find by Moshe and Aharon that the Jewish people mourned the loss of each of these great people for a very long time- for a full month. How much more so being that Avraham was mourning his dear wife! Chazal (our Sages) extol the value and importance in mourning for great people, particularly if one has a personal relationship with them, especially if that person is one’s spouse. So it would seem that becoming more sad over Sarah was in fact the call of the hour and a good thing to do! What was the problem?
Answer
The Rambam in his introduction to Pirkei Avos discusses at length what is known as the “golden medium,” or the “middle way.” The Rambam explains that all of the various “good” attributes and “bad” attributes, in truth, need to be practiced in moderation. There is no such thing as something which is unlimitedly good or unquestionably bad, rather, all character traits need to be exercised with balance and in the right dosage. If a person is too haughty, they won’t fulfill their responsibilities properly or respect others. On the other hand, if a person practices excessive humility they can come to degrade themselves and think lowly of themselves. Similarly, a person needs to take responsibility for their moods and temperament. A person needs to be constantly checking themselves to ensure that they are in a balanced frame of mind, neither becoming overly upset or sad, nor overly excited and happy.
Avraham felt that his mourning and sadness for Sarah had crossed the line of the proper amount of mourning and therefore needed to be completed before he had thought was appropriate when he set out to mourn for her.
Lesson
Why is it so that one should always be balanced and in the middle of the road? One reason is that even if someone were to be doing the “right” thing, if this will lead them to do more things bad in the future- that would not be worth it in the long run. If a person is more “balanced” they will be able to more consistently make proper decisions. By following the “golden medium” a person will come out ahead in the long term. So even though it may be that right now more mourning of a great woman like Sarah would be a mitzvah, but if this will lead to an improperly sad spirit which can lead, even a great man like Avraham, to problems with one’s future behavior, then it is not the appropriate way to behave.
The exception to this is when something is obligatory from the Torah, or the Law of the Land. If a person is obligated to do something or prohibited from doing something, in that case a person would have to fulfill their obligation and try to maintain the proper frame of mind regardless of the perceived challenge. In these situations Hashem is ‘commanding’ the person, through the obligations that are set upon them at that time, to push themselves and grow out of their comfort zone. If, however, a person is not obligated to do something or prohibited from doing something that he feels he needs, that is when he must bear in mind this “golden medium.”
Benefits of this…
The Gemara tells us: ‘Who is a wise person? Someone who can see that which will come about’ (איזהו חכם? הרואה את הנולד). The great, wise sage- the Rambam- shared with us this profound insight into all lives, at all times: the importance of maintaining the middle of the road balance in one’s behavior. This will lead to a happier, and more successful life overall. Even though it may seem in the short term to be better and more advantageous to be ‘extreme’ (extremists often win in the short term), the Rambam is sharing with us that over the course of life that approach will not ‘win’.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
