A long-time acquaintance of mine recently lost her spouse. The two met in junior high, dated throughout high school, got married in college and were married up until his sudden passing at the early age of 52 due to a heart attack. Needless to say she was devastated. While surrounded by children and grandchildren, she frequently felt paralyzed being without him, and just doing her normal day to day activities was difficult at best. When this sweet woman came in to see me, I was shocked to hear that one of the things that hurt the most was checking the mail.

Every day she checked the mail and every day there was mail for her late husband. She became very upset describing some of the seemingly innocuous mailings that had new meaning due to her loss. One such letter arrived from a previous subscription service in his name stating, "We want you back!" It was enough to throw her into a complete meltdown.

At some point, we all deal with loss and tragedy, but often, people are not sure of what to do, like when the mail keeps coming thereby creating painful reminders of the loss. Here are five ways you can take to make mail stop coming for a deceased loved one:

1. If you are the personal representative of an estate that is going through probate, or the Trustee of a deceased person's Trust and there is no one else living at the deceased person's residence any longer, then you can fill out a forwarding mail order to send the mail to you until the probate or Trust administration is concluded. In such cases, it is often a good idea to get a separate PO Box to handle such incoming mail in order to avoid using your personal address.
2. If you are receiving junk mail in the name of a deceased individual, visit the Deceased Do Not Contact Registration page at www.DMAchoice.org. This is a tool that was developed by the Direct Marketing Association to assist in this type of situation. According to the organization, this should decrease the amount of junk mail received within a few months. 
3. Magazines and other subscriptions or mail that is not actually "junk" mail have to be contacted directly. For instance, a charity soliciting donations may need a phone call or a "reply" card returned to them notifying them of the death. Subscription services often will issue a refund for unused subscriptions and should cease mailings almost immediately. 
4. If you either shared the mailing address with the deceased individual, or if you now live in the former home of a deceased person, you can simply write "deceased, return to sender" on any mail that arrives addressed to them and deposit it back in the mailbox for pickup. 
5. If you are the personal representative of an estate that has been through probate court and the estate is officially closed, hand-deliver or send a copy of the probate order closing the estate and dismissing you as the executor to the local post office. Request that all mail service be stopped immediately.

On a side note, if you are not the executor or legal representative for the deceased person, do not open their mail. It is a federal offense to open and read someone else's mail, even if it is being delivered to your address by mistake.

If you need help dealing with the issues following the death of a loved one or if you have other questions about estate planning or probate, please get in touch with the experienced North Carolina estate planning attorneys at Thomas Walters Estate Planning for a free consultation. We make it a top priority to assist in honoring the wishes and preserving the estate of your loved one while minimizing your difficulties in the midst of your grief.