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I used to volunteer at a children’s hospital. Mt. Washington Pediatric Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. I started in the early 1990s.
I was a cuddler.
I know that sounds kind of creepy these days, but that’s what they called it back then.
I would hold and feed newborn babies—infants—who were born addicted to crack, with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, AIDS babies, infants who were abused, burn victims…
It was heartbreaking. Without a doubt it was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done. And also one of the things I’m most proud of.
For more than eight years, I would go from bed to bed, hold these poor kids for a while and try to console them. I’d feed them and then burp them over my shoulder.
A lot of times, they threw up on me.
Didn’t bother me at all. I’m used to people throwing up at my shows!
Cuddling the kids would hopefully bring them a little comfort and solace. And it would also free up time for the nurses to do the things that only they could do…administer meds, take vitals, dress wounds, etc.
I volunteered anonymously. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. I didn’t tell many people about it. I just wanted to quietly do whatever I could to help out.
And then Baltimore Magazine did an article about volunteering. And they asked me if they could tell my story.
Sure, why not?
I figured, the more people that knew, the more people might give. Lend a hand. Baltimore was going through tough times. And if people were aware, maybe they would help.
I cuddled some kids for year after year. They’d arrive as infants, and because they were damaged goods, they’d stay for a while. Nobody wanted them.
Yes, some of them returned to their parents. Or parent. And others would be adopted or fostered. But the ones that were really bad had nowhere else to go.
One of those kids was Sam. Samantha.
She was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Her head was really large, and her face was disfigured.
But Sam was one very special kid. Always smiling. I took care of her for a few years. I used to read children’s books to her.
One year, I decided to do something special. I had always liked the Dr. Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham. And the main character is Sam. Sam I Am.
I went into the studio and did a rap version of the whole book.
Just for her. Not for commercial release! I didn’t post it on social media.
Of course, there was no social media back then. I don’t think electricity had even been invented yet!
When Christmas time rolled around, I rolled into MWPH with my boom box, a copy of the Green Eggs and Ham book wrapped in a bow, and a cassette (remember cassette tapes?!?) of the recording I had done.
I walked into the room. Sam was in her crib. She was probably about 5 years old at that time. I gave her the book, put the cassette in the boom box, and pressed play.
We went through the pages of the book as my pretty horrible white-guy-rapping version of Green Eggs and Ham played on the boom box.
The look of glee on Sam’s face was so heartwarming that to this day—25 years later—it still brings a big warm smile to my face.
The recording itself makes me wince in pain, but the joy it brought to Sam that Christmas was precious and priceless and unforgettable.
When the Slim Man thing took off, I started doing benefit Christmas concerts for MWPH. I’d do them at Rams Head Onstage in Annapolis. People would bring gifts and money for the hospital.
I’d keep the money and take the gifts to the pawn shop the next day.
JFK. Just Effing Kidding!
The next day I’d grab my canine sidekick, Batu, and we’d go to MWPH and drop everything off. Bags and bags of gifts for the kids. It was incredibly rewarding.
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