Hello!
I hope this finds you well and enjoying a bit of summer! Our July newsletter is all about parenting. Look inside to discover what you think your parents' attachment style might have been and how it has impacted your adult personality. Then, take a moment to reflect on your own parenting style with your children (or fur-babies) and learn some tips for strengthening your relationship with your child this summer!
All my best,
Dr. Pam McCaskill
734-416-9098
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McCaskill Family Services Newsletter
Term: July| Issue 19| July 27th, 2021
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Why summertime is so important
for family time...
When you think about Psychology, who is the first person that comes to mind? For most people, it's Sigmund Freud, the "father" of psychology. Much of his work centered around the parent-child relationship and how our current personality can be greatly impacted by the type of attachment pattern we had with our caregivers very early on in our life.
In a nutshell: The bond you have with your children can affect who they become, influence how they see the world, and shape their behavior in relationships. No pressure, right?!
Although there are many moments throughout the year to build this bond with your child, what better time to work on this than during the summer months?
Our therapist Emily Brzak, MA, TLLP shares a few of her favorite ideas on how to strengthen your relationship with your child. Click below!
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At McCaskill Family Services, we specialize in working with children, parents, and families with various presenting issues. If your family or someone you know could benefit from our services, please contact us. Our clinicians are trained in empirically-based techniques, and would be happy to promptly schedule an appointment in person or via tele-health. We can be reached by phone at 734-416-9098 or by email at office@mccaskillfamilyservices.com.
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Some of Our Favorite Parenting Books |
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4 Types of Attachment Styles |
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Develops out of a having a parent that is either "too much" or "too little". This causes the child to feel overstimulated or ignored, and they end up avoiding the relationship all together, neglecting to seek comfort or contact from their parent. As adults, they often invest little energy into relationships, struggle to acknowledge or express their emotions, and are prone to isolation and depression. |
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Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment |
Develops out of having an unreliable relationship and inconsistent response from their caregiver. These children are unsure of how their parents will react or relate to them, resulting in difficulties with trust, distress tolerance, self-esteem and heightened anxiety. As adults, these children often worry about being loved by their partner, require ongoing approval from others, and struggle with ending/beginning relationships.
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These children lack a clear attachment pattern, often presenting with avoidance, confusion and resistance in the presence of a caregiver. They often take on a parental role at a young age, while struggling to manage relationships and responsibilities due to their inconsistent behavior and erratic feelings as they grow up. As adults, these children may not see the value in relationships and can reject bonding with others, while having poor self-image and struggling with emotional dysregulation.
Disorganized attachments usually develop out of abuse, parental neglect or trauma as a child. The good news is that, over time, this pattern can be reversed or avoided if the child can develop a secure attachment with a different caregiver or friend.
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Develops when the parent-child relationship is consistent, reliable and supportive. In general, these parents are more responsive to their child's needs, spend more quality time with them, and provide them with ongoing emotional support and structure. As adults, these children have trusting, lasting relationships, higher self-esteem, are able to express their feelings, and are independent and self-sufficient. |
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Emily Brzak, MA, TLLP is a masters level clinician specializing in the treatment of behavioral problems in young children.
Emily has over many years of experience working directly with children and parents, having worked as a pre-school teacher for six years before completing her Masters in Psychology. She also works with those struggling with grief and loss, anxiety, depression and phobias. She uses various evidence-based treatment approaches with her clients, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Mindfulness-based interventions.
In her spare time, Emily spends lots of time spoiling her Golden Retriever, Lola, at the park, trying healthy recipes, decorating her new home, and watching reality TV.
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Need some summer reading?
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Every two weeks we post helpful tips for parents, insightful articles, inspiration and the latest psychology news, all written by our very own MFS staff! Add us to your summer reading list ! |
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Attribution Style In Relationships |
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Our very own Dr. Michelle Byrd was recently featured in an article on "love, keepler," discussing how attribution style impacts romantic relationships. |
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Need Some Parenting Support? |
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Newsletter Editor's Notes |
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As a therapist who works with many parents, children and teens, I am no stranger to the myriad of feelings parents experience on a day- to-day basis: joy, frustration, annoyance, pride, exhaustion, and most of all... guilt. So often, parents tell me about the "mistakes" they've made while interacting with their kids.
Here are a few I hear frequently:
"I just finally lost my temper."
"My kids totally saw me have a break down."
"I know that wasn't the right thing to say/do."
"I didn't act the best, either."
My response these types of statements generally include the phrases, "You are human, too" and "You can only handle so much." When parents have a misstep, they often feel as though they have caused irrefutable damage to the relationship, or as they say to me "I've scarred them for life." I'm here to offer you some hope. Realistically, your so-called "mistake" has provided you with a new opportunity for emotional growth and bonding with your child.
It is not about the rupture. It's all about the repair.
Your child doesn't remember what you did wrong, but how you made it right.
As you sit your child down to recap, several things happen:
- When you own up to your behavior and apologize, you are teaching them humility, honesty, and that even good people make mistakes.
- When you share with them that you were experiencing sadness and anger, they learn that it's safe to express and experience negative feelings.
- When you talk with them calmly and ask what they think or feel about what happened, they are learning healthy communication skills and how to be empathetic.
- When you validate their emotions of what happened, they experience what empathy feels like. They feel heard, understood, and connected to you.
- When they see YOU doing this for them, they are more likely to act this way towards others, and suddenly this mistake doesn't seem so awful.
When I look back at my childhood, I don't remember all the incidences where my parents messed up or lost their temper with me. What I do remember are the times we played board games together, their supportive words while I cried, bedtime rhymes, the creative way my dad helped me learned my times tables (thanks again for that, dad), long family vacation drives to Florida, social values, and feeling loved and supported no matter many how mistakes I made as a child. I still remember those words and those feelings, even to this day.
To all you parents out there, keep it up...you are doing better than you think. -Jaclyn
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Happy summer readers! I'm a masters level clinician at McCaskill Family Services who specializes in the treatment of OCD, anxiety, self-harm and eating disorders for all ages. I co-run the McCaskill Family Services DBT groups for teens and adults, and specialize in psychological assessment. I am also our monthly newsletter editor and social media manager!
I'd like to personally thank you for staying in touch with our practice, and hope you find this newsletter inspirational and informative. If you or someone you know would like to schedule an appointment with me, please contact our office at 734-416-9098 or email us at office@mccaskillfamilyservices.com. I look forward to working with you!
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409 Plymouth Road, Suite 250, Plymouth, MI 48170 • 734.416.9098
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