When my son was in middle school, I would drive by San Jacinto Church of Christ twice a day; dropping him off at school and picking him up. There was a message board outside the church that had not been changed in quite a long time and I would read it every time I drove by. It read “Life without purpose has no meaning”.
Life wasn’t so pleasant at that time in my life, and I would always ask myself and God, “What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is this all there is to life?” I have been a single mom for most of my children’s lives. I was mom, dad, and everything in between. There were no grandparents, no family, or friends to relieve me of the monotonous and demanding job of being a single mom. Work, work, and more work. And to add fuel to the fire, life also handed me a debilitating back injury and a lying, cheating husband.
That time in life was pretty awful and I fought depression daily. A year or so after I read that sign for the first time the mouth of hell opened up and swallowed me whole. My lying, cheating husband became a lying, cheating, abusive, manipulative, murderous husband and for his sins, I was chosen to pay.
My ex-husband murdered his first wife and blamed it on me. After he made sure I was properly numbered 80059 he moved on with his new girlfriend and divorced me.
Sounds like a story out of a fiction novel…or hell, right?
Well, that was my hell and I lived it for 467 days. I spent over 15 months in a jail cell trying to convince the Suits that I was innocent. They were not hearing it. After a year in jail, I gave up the bulk of the worry as to what was going to happen with my life. It was too exhausting, and I was driving myself crazy. Once I gave up control, things started to work themselves out. One saying the girls had in jail was “it’ll all come out in the wash”. And eventually, it did, but not until I released the idea that I had control. I would lay in my jail cell at night and that sign would come to mind; “Life without meaning has no purpose”. What is the meaning of life in jail? What I did not know was during all that heartache God was creating purpose and his tool was fire. He was forging and molding me into someone I never thought I could be, with a drive I never thought I could have. I was being refined and I didn’t even know it.
On July 21, 2015, I walked out of that jail with a heart and soul full of purpose, passion, and drive. I was/am a force to be reckoned with. I do not say that to brag, I say that because it’s true, because that is God’s plan for me…and you!! For once in my life, it all made sense. Hell is a state of mind. Hell is sometimes a place we fabricate when things are uncomfortable, hard, sad, or when things simply are not going our way. Hell is the starting line. Hell is the place we grow, listen, and learn.
Once I realized that I was free - mentally free from the hours of life-draining thoughts and worry, everything changed.
July 21 is my Freedom Day.
Physical and mental freedom.
When is your Freedom Day? What’s your purpose?
