Julia personifies all things command, as someone who takes the lead and speaks her mind, many an episode found her squaring off against racists, sexists, homophobes, and anyone who got in her way. The show tackled topics that in 1986 (the year it premiered on TV) few other comedies were talking about.
I love Julia Sugarbaker.
In real life, far from the studio lots where Hollywood writes, produces, and directs shows that entertain us, a commanding woman is not always an easy sell. In fact, according the the Gallup Organization, command is #33 for women among the 34 talent themes (for reference, command is also low for men as well. Only 3.5% of Females and 6% of Males have command in their top five.)
Culturally speaking, we don't socialize women to take on the qualities associated with command. When you break command down into its pieces and parts, you are likely to think, "Well, that sounds like a man!"
I have coached a number of women who have command in their signature strengths and they all tell me that it can be exhausting to lead with this strength because those around them are tempted to label them as bossy, aggressive, overbearing, and sometimes that danged old word bitch gets thrown around.
This is troubling.
My youngest daughter Trinity has command in her signature strengths--sitting at #5--and from an early age, she has led with it. As her mama (who has a strong aversion to conflict), I had to work with intention to help her focus command in ways that it serves her and others well AND at the same time confront some of my squeamishness around Trinity speaking up and taking charge (worried that she would offend or upset someone).
In a previous email, I laid out some of the qualities and characteristics associated with command. A quick review:
Command is a strength that:
1. Takes charge of a situation.
2. Easily expresses their thoughts, feelings, and ideas around subjects that can be considered delicate.
3. Inspires others to act.
4. Has a need for strong leadership (whether it is them leading or someone else, they want solid leadership that is not wishy-washy).
5. Fiercely protects and is loyal to those they are leading.
6. Intuitively knows when it is time to act and take charge.
7. Thrives in times of disruption, chaos, and instability.
8. Takes risks.
9. Has presence and poise (executive presence).
10. Is clear and concise on what needs to be done.
Who do you think of when you see these ten qualities?
Here's a challenge.
For 60 seconds write down all the MEN you know who embody command.
Now, do the same thing for women.
Which list is longer?
The truth is this: We reward men who are commanding and we are more likely to negatively label women who command. This isn't news. There are stacks and stacks of academic research to back up the assertion and we need only look at the way women are portrayed in media to see it in action. Instead of resisting the truth of it, what would happen if we decided to do better?
Do better might look like this:
1. Reach out to women you know who lead with command and encourage them. You have no idea how much this would mean to them.
2. Inventory your biases about women who command and question where it comes from. What cultural narratives influenced your thinking and how can you replace with new ways of thinking about women?
3. Take note of how women are portrayed in media and push back. Actively look for examples of commanding women in movies, TV, books etc and celebrate these portrayals who are not labeled negatively for their commanding ways.
4. How can you be more commanding? Inventory the above list and look for instances where you were able to embody command.
As we all become more well-rounded leaders, command should be in our tool box. What ideas do you have for shaping command? Share with us in our C Factor Community on Instagram.
Last challenge: set a timer for 15 minutes and watch those Julia Sugarbaker clips--you will feel energized after, I guarantee it.
Libby
