Enforceable Statements
When stress and tension are high, as they can be at this time of year, parents often find themselves ordering their kids to hurry up, or eat their food, or clean up their room. Few people enjoy being ordered to do things. Somehow it just seems to rankle many of us to be told what to do. So, when we are told to shut up, we tend to talk more. Telling kids to hurry up is usually followed by our having to compare them to stationary objects to see if they are actually moving.
This quirk of human nature was researched years ago by Dr. Raymond Wlodkowski. He found that when we are ordered to do something, we subconsciously sense a loss of personal control. This feeling is increased if a threat is stated with an emphatic order, such as, “If you don’t eat your peas, you’re not going to get dessert!” We’ve all seen the results of this kind of threat. The situation usually goes downhill rapidly. What was once a happy mealtime turns into a power struggle as both the adult and child try to regain control.
Dr. Wlodkowski’s Threat Cycle research led us to develop the technique called Enforceable Statements. We found that when kids tell themselves the possible threat or consequence, there is far less resistance.
Imagine a child hears the parent say, “I’ll be serving dessert to everyone who eats their peas.” The youngster can think, “Uh oh, I might not get dessert,” and doesn’t readily identify the threat as coming from the adult. This also gives the control of the outcome to the kid. The result? The odds for cooperation increase—odds for arguing go down. Using enforceable statements is essential for avoiding power struggles. Learn more about power struggles in our new audio Enforceable Statements.
This was taken from Love and Logic Insider’s Club by Dr. Charles Fay
If you would like the link to the enforceable statement audio program email me at mgerlach@goodshepherdwi.org and I will send you the link to purchase the program.
