Curious Friendships
   

Just about everyone has a relationship in life that probably wouldn't make much sense to people on the outside. Maybe you're friends with someone who has a different lifestyle, or who comes from a different background. Perhaps you've never even met the person, and their influence has been felt from afar.

That was the case with Pyotr Tchaikovsky and Nadezhda von Meck. In case you don't know, Tchaikovsky was a famous Russian composer in the late 19 th century. Even if you've never heard his name, you've probably heard some of his music: he not only wrote The Nutcracker Suite , but also Sleeping Beauty (the ballet, not the movie), Swan Lake, Romeo and Juliet, and most famously, the 1812 Overture.

Nadezhda von Meck, on the other hand, was a much older woman who was also a widow. But it was more than just gender and age that separated them. Whereas Nadezhda was a very strong- willed, even dominant woman, Tchaikovsky was shy, sensitive, always nervous, and very uncomfortable around other people. And unlike Nadezhda, Tchaikovsky was not very rich. Then, as now, even legendary musicians focused more on getting by than getting ahead, at least when it came to their finances.

It might seem like an unusual basis for friendship, but in fact the association shared between the neurotic composer and the wealthy matriarch would last
over thirteen years. It may well have been the most intimate relationship either ever had. All the more remarkable when you consider t he fact that the two never met.

Instead, they exchanged letters. Nadezhda adored Tchaikovsky's music, and offered to sponsor him, on one condition: they could never, ever meet. She explained why in one of her first letters. "There was a time when I was very anxious to make your acquaintance," she wrote. "But now, the more you fascinate me, the more I fear your acquaintanceship. I prefer to think of you from afar, to hear you speak in your music and share your feelings through it."

Some people might have been offended at this. Not Tchaikovsky. He wrote: "I'm not at all surprised, in spite of your love for my music, that you don't want to make my acquaintance. You  are afraid that you will fail to find in my personality all those qualities with which your idealizing imagination has endowed me. And in that you are quite right."

Nadezhda endowed Tchaikovsky with enough money over the years that he was able to work full time as a musician. In return, Tchaikovsky dedicated his Symphony No. 4 to her, and also wrote many other works at her request. But their relationship was far more personal than professional.  For one thing, they exchanged over  twelve hundred  letters. Tchaikovsky would write about
music, about his likes and his dislikes, and about the thoughts and inspirations behind all of his various creations. He was more open with her than with anyone else. Nadezhda, on the other hand, offered constant encouragement to the temperamental composer. When critics derided Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 5, his confidence plummeted. But Nadezhda's support was enough to see him through it.

Through it all, they never met. This led to some funny-and awkward-moments. They would sometimes attend the same concerts, and while they never spoke, they would glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes. Once they even came face to face. Both were deeply flustered.  For a moment, they struggled for something to say. Nadezhda stammered and averted her gaze. Then Tchaikovsky raised his hat, and went the other way.

Not all of us are world-famous composers, or rich patronesses. But the point is these two people, so different from each other, never met, and yet still enriched each other's lives. Is there someone in your life you're grateful for knowing? We usually pay most of our attention to our friends, our family, our coworkers, just as we should. But it's probably a good idea for all of us to take a moment and think about the people who we don't know well; the people different from us who nevertheless make our lives richer and more rewarding.

I hope we can all cherish even the chance encounters in our lives. If there's someone in your life that you don't know well, think about how they may have influenced you. Then think about how to get to know them better!

Sincerely, 


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