I am looking forward to writing and sharing aspects of my journey towards being well and staying well. I’ve discovered that it is a journey filled with letting go, learning and relearning. I’ve often called myself a “blank slate.” My earliest memories are of being a little girl on an island, living down a lane off a big road, in a house made of board with a zinc top roof. Living out- doors most of the time was a great learning experience in terms of being present.

       One of my favorite writers, King Solomon, said, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Since my first time calling myself a blank slate, I’ve recognized that a great percentage of what I know comes from listening to others. I’ve heard others use the same phrase. Common threads bind human experience regardless of which part of earth one inhabits. Pain, joy, suffering, empathy, love, et cetera – resonate with all of humanity.

       I’m sharing some of the things I’ve written on my slate and some of the things that I have erased.

       In her song, Redemption dealing with heartbreak and mending relationships, Beyoncé says her grandmother told her, “Nothing real can be threatened.” Eckhart Tolle says the same thing in The Power of Now, his best-selling book on how to stay in the present moment and connected to what is happening within one’s self.

       It made me think of being my authentic self, in my personal life, work life, church life and social life. “Showing up,” means my behavior is who I am whether I'm at work, church, with family or friends. I accept that I will have bad days and good days and keep in mind that others have the right to their experience.

       There are times when someone will come into any of the relationships I listed “as a means to justify an end.” When behaving like this the person would only want what they want, with seemingly no concern for others. Connection would not be important, just a means to justify the end result. I could feel hurt or let down or pushed aside; the reality is, I need to accept and let go.

       I remember trying to figure out why negative things kept happening to me in relationships. I remember hearing the phrase “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” I started thinking that if everywhere I go I have the same issues, then I have to check myself to see what part am I responsible for.

       I started to pay attention to patterns of behavior and what I started noticing was an inability to ask for what I needed. Past abandonment was the source of my hesitation when asserting my needs. I’ve since become aware of attachment theory, James Mapes talks about it in his book, Imagine That. I will stick to abandonment being the root of disconnection for me, therefore not blaming myself for being abandoned in the first place. By becoming aware of what is happening, I work towards making choices in my behavior and actions to try and not cause myself more pain.

       With connection, forgiveness has moved me forward to build trust, mutuality and respect. With “means justify the ends” relationships, forgiveness has helped me to let go and move on. Easier said than done…I know. With expectation comes disappointment, but the good news is it has given me many opportunities to learn and grow. Keep moving!