"If there's one thing worse than Alzheimer's, it's ignorance of the disease." -- Marty Schreiber
Don’t Look Down
I’m terribly afraid of heights. Have been my entire life.
I recall what I thought to be a particularly perilous experience during a trip to the Grand Canyon years ago. I remember a gut-wrenching fear as I hugged the rock walls at the scenic lookout, inching along, warily, even though nine to 12 feet from the edge. It did not seem nearly wide enough to make me feel calm or safe.
The only way I could keep going was to tell myself over and over not to look down. As if that was not bad enough, Elaine wanted to take a donkey ride into the canyon. As a loving husband, I went along. The trail must have been no more than 3 inches wide. “Don’t lean, don’t scream.” said the guide. I added my own advice, “Don’t look down!”
It’s been a long time since I was in a high place like that. But I’ve found there are other experiences that trigger similar fears.
When I dwell on how Alzheimer’s is taking its toll on Elaine, and that I can visit for only a few hours each week because of the danger of possibly spreading COVID-19– it’s like looking down.
You know why we can’t look down, don’t you? If we do, it just re-affirms our fears of things we can’t control. It saps strength and squanders energy. We lose valuable time because it prevents us from finding our way forward.
From surviving.
Even worse, we are worrying about something we can’t change; something over which we have no control. Those are unwarranted fears, because there is no reason or need for them, but they are still there trying to control our emotions and actions.
How much better it would be to focus on things we can do, and can change. To continue on the best path - the path ahead.
As we move through life as caregivers, we must encourage each other. We must help each other to not “look down,” to move forward and face our challenges. Only then can we live our best lives possible. Some of the most important factors in being able to do that are to make sure we get enough sleep, eat healthy food, get enough exercise and take breaks once in a while. Only then can we truly be of help to ourselves and our loved ones.
Don’t we owe it to our loved ones to learn to deal with life as it is now? Rather than worry, embrace the person our loved one has become? To not look down?
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom
For questions or more information about Alzheimer’s and services or programs, visit alz.org or call the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline at 800-272-3900.
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Marty is the primary caregiver for his wife Elaine, for whom his book is named. He compassionately promotes the value of learning about Alzheimer's and caregiving via personal appearances and serving as a media source. You'll enjoy his honesty and even his humor.
