March marks a year of the national response to the global pandemic. We are inundated with news about COVID-19, and regularly hear statistics about deaths, infections, and vaccines. Epidemiologists publicly discuss when to expect the next wave of infections. Officials argue over which activities put you at risk and which don’t. We hear statistics about unemployment rates, poverty, and domestic violence.
Regarding mental health, we can easily find information about dealing with the pandemic: isolation, anxiety, depression, self-care, pandemic “fog.” Media often reports more financial struggles for families, increased emotional labor, and a longing for life as we remember it.
As the sun shines longer and the snow melts, 2021 is bringing hopeful change. People are getting vaccinated. Madison Metro School District is beginning to return to in person classes, while others in the area have been in person earlier. The CDC is opening up guidelines so that people can finally hug their vaccinated loved ones without guilt of doing something wrong or putting someone at risk.
While these steps are good, many people are experiencing fear and uncertainty about doing things that were “safe” a year ago and have been deemed as “risky” for months. We are collectively grappling with what it means to open up “stay at home” orders as we envision a post-pandemic reality. I’ve heard many people say, “I just want to return to normal.” I wonder if we will ever live in the way we were before COVID. It’s really important that we practice compassion for ourselves and for others as we move forward and open ourselves to activities and connection that we’ve longed for. This may be really uncomfortable, and the anxiety can be overwhelming.
If you experience or anticipate this anxiety, here are some strategies for coping and planning to moving forward:
Take an assessment of your priorities. This is the perfect opportunity to look at what you were doing before everything shut down. Many people were stretching themselves thin with a busy schedule. So, ask yourself: What do you miss most? What isn’t necessary to put back into your schedule? Look at your values and what’s important to you, and make space for those activities first. Really evaluate what you and your family need. If there’s anything that this pandemic has taught us, it’s that rest and quiet time are actually valuable and needed. You don’t have to fill your schedule with everything. Maybe add just one thing at a time, in increments of weeks or months. It’s good to take care of yourself with masks, social distancing, outdoor activities with friends. There can be a balance of busyness and rest.
Give yourself space to grieve. This has been a traumatic year. So much has changed. As anniversaries happen, you may find yourself particularly anxious or sad. Some of these might include: missed birthday parties, rescheduled weddings, holidays that felt really lonely, funerals or memorial services that were not what were wanted for the deceased beloved person. That’s common and even expected. Grieving will help you release the trauma.
Be open to a new normal. “Returning to normal” may not actually happen. We may adjust to a new normal. That’s okay. Change is inevitable, and there are a lot of unknowns. We don’t live like they did in 1921, or even 2001, so let’s open ourselves to something new. It might even be better than what we remember before COVID.
Be gentle with yourself. Go slowly. Be patient. Treat yourself as your best friend. Your reactions to events around you are your coping strategies. Coping strategies are good, as long as they don’t harm you or someone else. Your emotions are human and real, so sit with them. Pay attention to what’s going on with you. You don’t need to push yourself to do anything you are uncomfortable with. Also be aware that your discomfort might push you into something beautiful.
You are not alone. We are all in this process together, and we need each other. Many have been isolated for a long time, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If or when you feel alone, call or text a trusted friend or family member. Reach out to a wise mentor. Sometimes just putting words to your experience can make all the difference. Sharing the emotional load can help lighten the load.
Ask for help. You may find yourself needing more support in making steps to enter into a post-pandemic life. If the sadness or anxiety are overwhelming and not going away, it may be time to ask for professional help.Your doctor can help you find another medical professional and/or a counselor or therapist to help you get through the time. You can also reach out to us at the Samaritan Counseling Center as a next step in finding professional support.
These are just the beginning of what we know can help people move forward into 2021. We have much to learn, and learning will sprout growth. Brene Brown wrote this on her blog in March 2020 about what to expect: “This pandemic experience is a massive experiment in collective vulnerability. We can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our very best, bravest selves. In the context of fear and vulnerability, there is often very little in between because when we are uncertain and afraid our default is self-protection. We don’t have to be scary when we’re scared. Let’s choose awkward, brave, and kind. And let’s choose each other.”[1]
As we anticipate a post-pandemic experience, Brown’s statement still rings true. Our vulnerability makes us stronger, more courageous, resilient humans. As we grow through our vulnerabilities, “returning to normal” may not seem very normal. As you navigate our “new normal,” pay attention to what you find in yourself. Whatever you find in yourself, be kind and gracious. Kindness and grace will take us a long way into the newness.
Brenda Lovick, LMFT, is a psychotherapist at Samaritan Counseling Center and is currently accepting new clients.
