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Barbara
You need never feel broken again…..Sometimes darkness can show you the light
~The Light by Disturbed
Yes, Dear Readers, believe it or not, I do listen to artists other than Springsteen. I am a product of the eighties and still enjoy my fair share of hair bands and heavy metal. The above lyric reminds me of Barbara every time I hear Disturbed sing this song. Barbara has had more than her fair share of struggles through the years, but just when it seemed Barbara’s life was at its darkest, she saw a glimmer of light and within it hope.
Frederick Place became home for Barbara twice. The first time she came to us was because a family member of her property owner wanted to move here. So, Barbara was informed that she had to find another place to live. At age 62, Barbara was a dedicated employee of McDonald’s. I do not think she ever said “no” when they asked if she could come in early, stay late, or come in on her day off. However, appreciation of her work ethic and dedication was not enough to pay rent on her own. So, she inquired, and we became her home and family. A young lady with four young kids also happened to be here at the same time. Barb fell in love with the kids and got along well with the young lady. Before too long they were talking about getting a place together. It was getting close to Christmas, and, after years of being alone, Barb felt like she found a family to celebrate the holidays with. Now, we highly discourage residents moving in together. Not one of them has listened to us, and not one of the living situations worked out. They have a common bond while here, but their differences become clear once they begin living together. I did not have a crystal ball but knew in my heart this living situation would not work. I bought Barbara a Christmas ornament, so she had something to remember the Christmas she longed for. I am happy to report she did get that one Christmas, but within a few months their living situation deteriorated, and they decided to go their separate ways. Barbara tried in vain to hang on to the apartment, but she just could not afford it any longer and had to call us again for help.
Barbara arrived at Frederick Place for the second time on January 6, 2022. She was still a dedicated employee of McDonalds who still did not know how to say “no.” She was one year older but looked like she had aged 10 years. Her dream was to have a place to call her own. Alone. We encourage residents to get right on the housing search. Ninety days sounds like a long time, but countless residents have learned the hard way that it is not. Barbara did not begin the housing quest until she had been here several weeks. Her initial focus was on finding a storage unit and retrieving the belongings she left behind in the apartment. Once she had done that, she began searching a little more until she hit another roadblock. After several weeks of being here, she slipped on some ice on her walk to work. She was rewarded with a trip to the ER, crutches, and an air cast. She was stoic until she slipped on a wet floor a couple of days later. Within 24 hours of her second slip, Barbara came to the office at 3AM stating her pain level on a scale from 0 to 10 was a thirty. So, off she went for a second ER visit. This time she returned with a cumbersome boot and instructions to ice her foot/ankle and stay off it. She missed quite a bit of work while she was laid up. Ideally, she could have used that time to begin a housing search in earnest, but she did not. She was certain she would be able to get into one of the seniors/disabled housing units. Yeah. She did not get in that one. Barbara then focused on a different housing unit and was again sure she would get into that one. She became even more hopeful when she was told she was close to the top of their waiting list. After that phone call, she only focused on becoming a tenant as she moved up the waiting list. A few weeks later she received another call informing her that an apartment was soon to be vacant, but there was one person ahead of her. If this person did not want the apartment, it would have been hers. As Barbara’s luck would have it, the person ahead of her did want the apartment. Barbara, like countless others, put all her eggs in one basket despite our warnings and encouragement to apply elsewhere.
During the COVID housing moratorium it was next to impossible for residents to find housing, so we began giving extensions. Residents had to earn these extensions past their 90-day dismissal date. Barbara was granted four extensions which she earned by doing extra housing searches, saving money, and other top-secret activities Unfortunately, Barbara did not find an alternative to the place she was convinced she would be moving to. As her dismissal date became dangerously close, a decision about further extensions was looming. Barbara had been with us for 155 days - which is 65 days past her original date of dismissal. It was with heavy hearts that the decision was made that it was time for Barbara to move on. We all gave her daily reminders that her stay was ending. Part of me believes she did not think her final extension was the last one. As much as it pained all of us, it had to be. Barbara’s bed needed to go to another homeless individual. We kept all of Barbara’s belongings and waited to hear from her. The wait was a little too long, and we became concerned about her. We were hearing she was sleeping in a laundromat while continuing to work at McDonald’s. That news was tough to bear. We are here to help people, but the “hand up” must end when it begins to feel like a “handout.” There truly was nothing more we could do for Barbara. We comforted ourselves knowing we did all we could. We reminded her, investigated rentals for her, and helped her fill out applications. In the end, Barbara knew we had done all we could.
Barbara left us on July 1st. She called us about 6 weeks later to let us know her daughter was coming for her belongings. What wonderful news that was! Barbara shared that she and her daughter had reconciled, and her daughter wanted her to come home with her. Home was Antigo, so Barbara had to leave her crew here and transfer to the Antigo McDonald’s. It was a long road, but her quest to feel like part of a family ended in the best way possible.
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