Allowing for Grace
I was having a conversation with a family member recently and found myself sharing an explanation of a coaching concept. I believe my first mistake was expecting a two minute discussion to yield the same results as two years of personal and professional development – my bad!
I love my family member dearly and to provide some context, she is the ultimate fixer on steroids. She prides herself in developing systems and plans that will solve almost any problem. I was attempting to share the coaching principle that it can be more effective to allow people to solve their own problems by asking questions, rather than telling them what to do.
She then responded with, “Well could I…” and shared some advice in disguise, to which I promptly responded, “Nope, that’s still telling them what you think they should do.” At this point she said, “Well, I can’t do that, I’m out. I have too many good ideas and suggestions to not share them.”
Hmmmm, not the outcome I was hoping for.
So, what’s the lesson here? I’m still trying to figure that one out, and I’m sure it will take some additional reflection.
What I realized in writing this piece for the newsletter, is that I was trying to fix a fixer! Ironic, isn’t it? More often than not, the lessons to be learned in these situations are for us to learn something about ourselves. It does require some noticing and reflection on our part.
I wanted to share this story to let you know that even with concentrated personal and professional development and the best intentions, it’s easy to slip into old habits and patterns.
What’s a coach to do? Well for me, it’s taking some to reflect on the situation, committing to notice and be more aware the next time, and allowing myself some grace.
I’d love to hear from you at barwil@pakeys.org regarding any thoughts or experiences this story may have sparked.
This concept of giving advice ties in perfectly with a book I read recently, The Advice Trap, Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier. Be on the lookout for some professional development on this topic in the future.
Submitted by,
Barb Willier, Coaching Coordinator
Pennsylvania Key
Rasheeda Coston, Director of Coaching
Pennsylvania Key
