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It is common to believe that the people who are mentally healthy are those who are realistic, who judge accurately what they can do and what they can't do. We sometimes chide people who try to do too much: "Be realistic."
That might not be good advice. Research shows that people who are realistic are more likely to be depressed. People who think they can do more than they actually can, tend to be healthier mentally and physically; optimism is a healthy frame of mind. But there are several habits that can keep us from enjoying optimism.
Try to recall a time when you were upset with yourself. Consider whether you used the following three unhelpful ways of thinking:
1. Personal: "It is my fault. I am to blame."
2. Permanent: "I have always done this. I never seem to learn."
3. Pervasive: "I seem to make the same mistakes in all areas. Nothing ever goes right for me."
Most of us have had thoughts like those at times. But the healthiest people are those who learn to challenge the thoughts and replace them with more helpful thoughts. See if you can apply the following more optimistic thoughts to a situation where you have felt like a failure.
1. Personal: "That was an especially hard job. But I learned things that will help me do better."
2. Permanent: "That is a mistake I have made before but each time I learn something new."
3. Pervasive: "I still have trouble in one area but overall I am doing much better."
Sometimes when we feel pessimistic or downhearted we can push ourselves to move on to something that needs to be done. Other times we find it almost impossible to get started. At such times it can be helpful to have a list of things you find satisfaction in doing. Maybe you like to listen to music, organize your desk, take a walk . . . What are some of the active things you can be prepared to do at times when you find it hard to get started?
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