by Allison Percival, Assistant Publisher
"You're so lucky that you have so much time together as a family right now!"
"You shouldn't take this special time for granted!"
"You should be making memories together, not complaining!"
Heard any of these lately? Yeah.
Somewhere between week one and week four, the shine has really worn off all of this "family time." It's hard to be in a state of constantly appreciating one another when you have a lot of extra time to notice what drives you crazy - socks on the floor, dishes in the sink, that one noisy toy from a well-meaning aunt or uncle. After the eighty-fifth "I'm bored," the dozenth fight over schoolwork and the nine-hundredth (probably) viewing of Trolls: World Tour and/or Frozen 2, who is genuinely sitting back in their chair and thinking "wow, I'm so blessed?"
We are all exhausted right now. We are not okay. We are not adjusting.
Many of us are trying to do two or three full-time jobs right now with 50% or less of our usual emotional and physical energy. We are all grieving, we are all experiencing trauma, and we are all doing
everything we can to cope with an unprecedented event in human history. Nobody gets to tell you that your efforts aren't good enough because you're not doing it better, faster, and with a smile on your face.
I have a new mantra I'd like to offer you. It's tried, tested and true.
Survive, and fix it later.
Nobody is coming out of this unscathed. It's not going to be a magical time. You're not going to weigh 30 pounds less, your kids aren't going to master the violin and speak Latin, and you and your partner are not going to enter a second honeymoon. As the song says, "let it go."
I'm not saying this to be a jerk. I'm saying this because you've got enough going on already just getting food on the table and everybody in clean underwear.
- All you can manage to cook this week is KD and weenies? Survive, and fix it later.
- Too tired for the fifth trudge around the block of the day? Survive, and fix it later.
- Your carefully planned limitations on screentime have completely gone out the window? Survive, and fix it later.
This isn't going to last forever. I know it feels like it already has. Fingers crossed, we should see life starting to get back to normal over the summer. There are going to be many years after this in which you can dial things back.
There will be time after this is over to make sure your kids are getting five servings of vegetables a day, plenty of imaginative screen-free play, and undivided attention from you. You and your partner will have lots of chances to reconnect.
This week, I'd like to challenge you to focus on what you
really need to do to get your family through this in one piece - not to thrive, not to improve, not to "win" at self-isolation. Just to get through it.
Remember - survive, and fix it later.
(If you're thriving and feel like this doesn't describe you, that is amazing and we're all proud of you - just know that if you're not, you aren't alone.)
Thinking of you all and hoping you're doing well.
