Forgive us our trespasses...
Forgiveness was a theme that came up in various ways at our Confirmation retreat this past weekend. It is clearly central to the Christian life, but it is never an easy or simple teaching to live, though Jesus gave us clear direction: forgive as we have been forgiven.
One of our parishioners-- a friend and hero of mine-- gave a talk to our youth at the retreat about a tragedy in his family. It would be fair to describe this tragedy that befell someone he loved dearly, as a transgression that was “unforgiveable.” My friend shares the story of being at Mass shortly after this happened. As he was about to say the Lord’s Prayer, he pondered, “How do I say, ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us'?” He thought, I will have to forgive this person or I am lying when I say this prayer. So he did. He found a way to forgive the person who hurt his loved one. I am in awe every time I think about this.
Forgiveness is a decision. Sometimes it is as swift and as clear as it was for my friend. It has been said that forgiveness is not saying that what happened is okay, but that you have accepted the reality of what happened and are ready to move on.
And sometimes it is a process that we need to work through in our mind and heart. Sometimes forgiveness takes time.
The author, Khaled Hosseini, in the novel, The Kite Runner, describes a transitional moment in the life of the main character, Amir. Amir ponders what forgiveness is as he experienced it at a moment in the troubled relationship with his adopted son, Sohrab. After picking up and looking at a photo, Amir says, “I slipped the picture back where I had found it. Then I realized something: That last thought had brought no sting with it. Closing Sohrab’s door, I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with the pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”
Sometimes forgiveness is the grace of having worked through an issue for so long in so many ways, that we realize the sting is gone, and in its place is forgiveness.
As my friend knew, the Lord’s prayer doesn’t so much call us to do something, as to be something-- a person who accepts forgiveness from our Father God and extends to others the same generosity. Forgiveness is a moral commandment, a recipe for happiness, an expression of the best in humanity, and a gift from God.
