After decades of work in the conflict resolution world, I've noticed there's something that happens quite often. Let's set up the scenario. An individual takes a conflict resolution class. They learn about an approach to conflict and begin to use the techniques. Try their best. And here's what their feedback sounds like:

• I tried that approach. It doesn't work. My husband was supposed to do_______ ( fill in the blank)____. Instead he did _____(the opposite of what I thought/wanted/was trying to get him to do)_____. This conflict resolution stuff doesn't work!

Conflict resolution techniques are not manipulation or coercion. In fact they are the opposite. When we teach a new approach such as question construction or

detecting interests,  better listening techniques, or using neutral language it's

not to work on the other person. We are working on ourselves. Building our tool box. Expanding our repertoire. Taking responsibility for our own part in the conflict and in making the world around us a better place.

You can't change anyone but yourself .

We've all tried. It doesn't work. This is the exciting and interesting part of human life. We never know what another person is going to do. We plan and strategize and outline. And then the other person does something unexpected. People are unpredictable. That's life.

In conflict resolution work, we work to create a reservoir of tools and techniques. To be a better conflict resolver. To make the conflicts in our lives go more smoothly and work toward mutually satisfying resolutions. What others do will impact us, and then we move on to plan B or C etc, etc. Try different tools and techniques. At the end of the day, we can only control our own actions and try to hone our own skills.

Who has had this thought? 

If everyone would just do things just the way I think they should, the world would be a better place? I have. Putting up with other people who are doing what we think they shouldn't is a major challenge. It is a perfect time to practice the mantra I can't change anyone but myself. Is everyone else not taking things seriously? Use your best listening techniques to understand what they are thinking about. Are you confronting the inevitable conflicts that arise from newly arrived seasonal visitors? Try turning around the viewfinder to look at things from their point of view. Have you been hiding unresolved conflicts under the rug? Take the cover off, don't avoid, and tell the other person you want to try to work things out.

Put on your own mask before assisting others

We all know this metaphoric admonition. In the event of a loss of oxygen...adjust your own mask before attempting to assist others. Now is the time to work on what will help you. Take ten minutes to quietly meditate. Do internet research on active listening techniques. Watch TED talks on building cooperative problem solving. Garden. Sleep. Write. Reach out.

June is a happy celebration month. Pride celebrations. Juneteenth, Graduation. The sun, the daylight, the leafy greens. Take some time for yourself and those you love. Come find us if we can help.

Happy Pride!

Celebrate Pride on Martha's Vineyard Pride on Martha's Vineyard. Visit Oak Bluffs to see the progress flag flying high downtown What is the Pride/Progress flag all about?  Take some time to read our community members Susan Sturgis' historical perspective A personal history of LGBT pride on Martha's Vineyard

Happy Juneteenth!

We are all celebrating the first national celebration of Juneteenth.  Here on the Vineyard there are many activities to get involved in.  Juneteenth on the Vineyard

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Making the Transition from Incarceration to Community Easier

Mediation is offered through an expanding network of nine Sheriff's Departments, Department of Corrections facilities, and post release agencies in the community. The program, which is offered across MA, is based on a successful model in Maryland that significantly impacts recidivism rates, creating post-release stability.

Re-entry Mediation is offered for FREE to the incarcerated individuals and those they would like to make plans with. The meetings are conducted at the place of incarceration, in a confidential and private setting. Three meetings are available, if needed, for each Re-Entry case.

Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or call 508-693-2999

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for

our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant

Thank you, Rockland Trust Charitable Foundation for financial support of our Youth Programs and being a part of our vision: 

An Island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Introduction to Mediation Course

We are finishing up a very successful 12 session Intro to Mediation course.  Eight new mediators!  We need them. Congratulations Ali, Amelia, Corwyn, Gail, Laura, Laurie, Leo, Winonah. 

Our next Introduction to Mediation Course will begin in September 2022. There are two sections.

Section One: Mediation Basics––6 sessions September–October.

Section Two: Mediation Qualification––6 sessions November–December.

The cost for each six-session course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. Scholarships are available. Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or register here.

Financial Conflicts and Financial Conflict Coaching

Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. Here are some tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances. Self-help financial tools.

MV Mediation offers Financial Conflict Coaches for those who could use a helping hand with setting goals and working to undo financial conflicts. If you would like to work with a coach we are here to help.

Hidden Brain is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation. They are providing insight into financial management issues. Check this out: Hidden Brain

Financial challenges faced by recently widowed older adults

Over 1.2 million adults ages 60 and older lost a spouse in 2019. The effects of COVID on older adults since 2020 are well known. Many recently widowed older adults own their homes with significant home equity, and a third of them spent at least 30 percent of their income on housing. Newly widowed older adults also face higher poverty rates and challenges to getting the help they need.

Using public data from the Census American Community Survey, this spotlight describes key demographic characteristics and the financial circumstances of older surviving spouses to highlight opportunities for improving the financial well-being of this population. To look into the data about this information, click here For more free resources for older adults, visit consumerfinance.gov/olderamericans. MV Mediation offers many services for older adults through our Productive Conversations programs.

Workplace Conflict Management



MV Mediation has mediators and facilitators who are able to provide support for conflicts within the workplace. We provide mediation and conflict coaching for individuals.

Our Confidential Cohort of Managers and Supervisors began working together in April. What a great group of supportive and thoughtful folks. Our next round will be held at the end of October. If you would like to sign up to be part of our next course, sign up here. Fall 2022 Workplace Cohort

One component of what we call a Conflict Positive Workplace is understanding how conflicts start. Strong conflict managers understand that their colleagues' neurological processing is foundational. Here is an article describing the understanding of the brain and ways to make small shifts to achieve big results. Workplace and the brain.

Email info@mvmediation.org or call call 508-693-2999 for more information.

Please spread the word if you know of anyone who might be interested.

Conflict Coaching Can Help You or Someone You Know

No charge for this service for the remainder of 2022 for individual cases



It is not therapy. It is not advice or consultation. So what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and coach working collaboratively. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Please tell those you know about this service. We are here to help: info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2999

MV Mediation Youth Program

We are finishing up with the 4th grades at the Edgartown School. Next comes the 3rd grade. We are working on making a role play video with the Charter School group. Our plan next school year is to expand our reach. Do you know of a school where our work is needed? We'd like to get started early in the school year.

We brought a group of Charter School middle school students to visit the MVTV Studio, where they recorded a mediation session. Students practiced their conflict resolution skills in a role play, with students as mediators, the mediation participants and crew.  What an incredible experience.  Stay tuned for Whose Sweatshirt Is This?

Our Youth Coordinator position is open until filled. Read the posting here. Could you spread the word? We have plenty of work in schools and youth organizations. This is a growth-oriented position and is a chance to help build our organization and put our vision into reality: An island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Upcoming for Mediators, Coaches, and Facilitators

Mediators' Check-in

Check in every Wednesday 4–5 p.m. to discuss aspects of conflict resolution in our community.

• June 8 Balancing an Imbalance of Power in mediation
• June 15 Mediation-Sticking with it and moving it forward
• June 22 Better listening for mediators and coaches
• June 29 Measuring success--process or outcome
• July 6 Relational or Transactional Conflict? Different tools to use.
• July 13 Types of Mediation--Agricultural, Construction, Land Disputes
• July 20 Types of Mediation--Family, Elder, Divorce,
• July 27 Types of Mediation--Housing
• August 3 Types of Mediation-Workplace
• August10 Conflict Coaching-Coaching and mediation

No Mediator Check-in August 17-31 Next Check-in September 7.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

By Ella Martin, published June 2, 2022, Mediators Break. Printed with permission from Ella Martin and Cape Mediation. 

Wednesday June 8^th is World Oceans Day

Oceans and the Dispute Resolution Field

If there is one common goal for coastal communities around the world, it’s protecting our oceans. As an abundant source of healthy food, a global highway for commerce, and a boundless opportunity for recreation, I think we all agree that our oceans are invaluable. But, like it or not, the varying uses generate disputes - resulting from conflicting interests or beliefs, NIMBY sentiments, or financial incentives. This month, we have uncovered several research and scholarly articles on the important role dispute resolution plays in resolving ocean disputes that we hope you’ll find interesting. 

Nayha Acharya’s essay, Towards Ocean Peace: Resolving Disputes Cooperatively and Empathetically through Negotiation, offers reflections on the utility of informal dispute resolution through cooperative negotiation as a means of settling ocean-based disputes responsibly and peacefully.

Click here to read the rest of the article.  Oceans and mediation continued

Board of Directors' Corner

We want to bring awareness to the community at large about the discrimination and hardship faced by immigrants. Our goal is to become more integrated and accepting of different values and traditions, learn to accept and embrace diversity, and become a more inclusive society.

The Board then discussed the possibility of offering free Conflict Coaching to the Brazilian community, the annual budget, the positive feedback received from participants in several mediations, our Smart Goals and next year's planning, and the succession plan for the Executive Director who plans to retire in June 2024.

Parent Mediation:

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution



Are you having trouble at home? We can provide mediation or conflict coaching through Zoom, phone, or video conference. We have mediators with child development experience and can consider parent–teen mediation sessions based upon your circumstances. If you need help talking with your spouse or partner, we are part of the Parent Mediation Program providing parents––married, unmarried, divorced, or separated––with up to four hours of free mediation. MVMP Family and Divorce mediators can provide you with mediation sessions to discuss parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication, or to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. Please contact the office to schedule an intake call. We are here to help.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2999

Mediação: Resolução de Conflitos em Divórcio e Brigas de Família



Problemas no lar? Oferecemos serviços de mediação e treinamento para ajudar a lidar e resolver conflitos em familia. 

Conflitos entre pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares. Nossos mediadores têm experiência em processos de divórcio e questōes familiares, como custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e inclusive uma possível reconciliação.



Mediação não é terapia, mas sim uma forma de trazer as partes em conflito para uma conversa em um ambiente neutro, onde todos poderão falar e também ouvir o que a outra parte tem a dizer e terão oportunidades de negociar um acordo em comum.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508 693-2199



Why I Mediate:

It is a way of life for me. This is my work, my vocation, and also my identity. After so many decades teaching in public school, it is a new chapter for me to be able to work with individuals and small groups to resolve conflict. I feel that I am accomplishing something every day and I'm spreading a message I believe in.

––Sara Barnes, Executive Director