Maybe you’ve been there -- suddenly drowning in a fight with your spouse, the waters still rising, unsure how you got there in the first place.
Can somebody hand me a lifejacket?!
What do you do in that moment?
If you’re a great negotiator (and manage to remember your skills at this most critical instant), you’ll do at least one of 4 things:
- Stop talking and listen,
- Slow down your voice,
- Drop the pitch of your voice and use a downward inflection, and/or
-
Mirror your spouse, both physically and verbally [by the way, go subscribe to The Persuasion Lab Podcast to get next Thursday’s episode, all about how to read and mirror body language, right when it drops!].
Of course, these can be tough to remember, much less employ, during these highest pressure moments. But, if you can manage to do so, you’ll find that not only does your home life improve astronomically, but so will your professional relationships and negotiations.
Here’s why, in a nutshell:
We think more with the more base parts of our brains (emotional centers) than we do with our frontal cortex (logical center) always, but particularly when we’re experiencing heightened emotions. Along with that, and more than anything, a deep emotional need (which many may be unaware of) is the desire to be seen, heard, and understood. The perfect storm for an emotional tsunami.
As you stop talking (internally and externally) to listen, modulate the pitch and tone of your voice, and bring in verbal and physical mirroring, you're able to reach the emotional part of the other person’s brain with the signal of “It’s okay. You’re safe. I see and hear you.” Having received this signal, the situation is diffused, often with shocking speed, the tide of emotion suddenly draining right back out to sea.
If you're ready to be the hero of home and office (or home office, as the case may be) come join us in The Persuasion Lab where you can get individualized coaching and feedback on your vocal and mirroring ability and keep those rough emotional waters at bay!
Wishing you winning negotiations,
~Martin
P.S. We'd love to hear your thoughts for a new podcast feature. What are your burning negotiation questions? When you consider your next deal, what makes your palms sweat and your heart race? Hit reply and let me know so you can get your needs met when we feature your question on our Lightning Round Q&A podcast episodes!
