Life is constantly changing and in flux. Nature, our bodies, our perspectives. The good news is that means everything is essentially temporary and "this too shall pass".
If our now isn't so fun, this idea of temporary can be difficult. We may be so focused on the trees that we don't see the forest. Meaning, we see the situation as never ending. Or, we may realize it's temporary, but we want temporary over... like yesterday. So instead of being present with what is, we look in other directions. We look back to "how it was" and maybe wish for that. We look forward to "when it will be different, better, back to normal" and we wish for that. No matter which direction, it just doesn't improve. We can't get back to where we were and the future is unknown.
What may be helpful to know:
When you average out your emotions, it generally lands at 50/50. Fifty percent positive, 50% negative. And on any given day, it's not necessarily an even split. This knowledge can help us. It can allow us to let it be hard when it's hard and let it be easy when it's easy.
It's funny how when things are hard, they seem to last forever, but when they are easy they seem to pass by in a flash. That has to do with our innate negativity bias. Dr. Rick Hanson describes it as Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive.
- "...the brain has specialized circuits that register negative experiences immediately in emotional memory. On the other hand, positive experiences – unless they are very novel or intense – have standard issue memory systems, and these require that something be held in awareness for many seconds in a row to transfer from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage. Since we rarely do this, most positive experiences flow through the brain like water through a sieve, while negative ones are caught every time."
Let it be hard
Nothing is going wrong when you are experiencing difficulty. We often resist this concept because we are wired to avoid pain.
What if we tried this?
"It's ok that I think this is hard."
It's like a riptide. Rip currents don't pull you under, they pull you out. It's the resisting and fighting that causes fatigue and increases the likelihood of drowning. Stay with it, float and let it carry you out. The rip current will subside in 50-100 yards and you will be able to swim parallel to the shore and follow the breaking waves back to safety.
When you're in the rip current, you're letting it be hard. Get curious. Let yourself feel the emotions. Often just acknowledging the difficult emotion can help it to subside. Then notice, what thoughts are you having? What is your interpretation of your experience? You don't need to try to change these thoughts when you're in the rip current. Just be aware of them. Remember, when you're resisting, it's much harder to find a solution. When the rip current subsides, then you can swim out of it.
Let it be easy
We often resist things being easy as well. We worry something is wrong. We worry it won't last or we think we'll get lazy if we let ourselves indulge. Guess what? We don't have to be committed to things being bad or hard. When you let it be easy, you see your situation for what it is and your brain can find new solutions. When you allow it to be easy, you welcome in the good. Your brain can get creative. You can take time to savor which helps shift the negativity bias. You can use the easy space to replenish and restore energy.
What if we tried this?
"Hello Easy!"
Acknowledge the positive and just be with it
How does it feel in your body?
What thoughts are you having?
What is your interpretation of your experience?
Savor - let it feel good. Share it.
Write it down to remember later.
Offer yourself this question for future situations: What would this look like if it was easy?
Give it the space it needs
Whether you're letting something be hard or easy, you're still actively involved. You're paying attention. You're allowing yourself the experience. You're learning. What you aren't doing is wasting time and energy resisting or second guessing. Imagine all the things you can do with that extra bandwidth!
