If Grief Means…..
An Answer by Esther Bogin (the proud mother of Heath)
I am sometimes asked the poignant questions “are you still grieving? Still? After all this time?” How do I, a mother who lost her son to sudden death; how do I answer these piercing words?
If grief means the pain I feel is due to my son not being here to touch, hug, hold me, then I am still grieving.
If grief means that I suddenly burst into tears when I am alone watching or listening to some thing that connects me to my son, then I am still grieving.
If grief means the sadness I feel that my son cannot share the joys of living with his daughters and wife, then I am still grieving.
If grief means the unspoken void felt at holiday and birthday celebrations especially when we toast Heath, then I am still grieving.
If grief means I can only hear his calming voice and his calling me Mom on video or saved voice messages, then I am still grieving.
If grief means that as I watch my granddaughters’ sparkling faces I am reminded of my son as a child, then I am still grieving.
If grief means I need to hear someone talk about my son or I need to insert a Heath story when my friends speak of their children, then I am still grieving.
If grief means five years have passed and I still miss my son, cry for him, and hurt for him, then I am still grieving.
If grief is knowing that all the love we have for that special someone (who has passed) truly has no real place to go, then I am still grieving and always will. My love for my son is eternal and so is my grief
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