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Your tone of voice can cause or calm a conflict







Tone of Voice
Try this. Say 'That's really interesting' in a normal and even-handed tone of voice. Now say it again in a bored tone. Now again in the way you would when you are surprised. Now try 'That's really interesting' with a sarcastic tone. What's the point? The same words can communicate a very different message dependent upon your tone of voice.

These days while we are doing so much communication remotely, we are missing out on much of the in-person body language we usually rely upon. Your tone is highly important to communicate effectively. Many conflicts are resolved or perpetuated by a tone of voice.

Your voice as a tool
You can improve your vocal tone and use your voice more effectively. Do you dislike hearing yourself on recordings? Most people do. Get over it, and start listening to yourself on recordings. Do you notice that you are using a sing-song cadence, and you would like to sound more even-handed? Give it a try. Have you been told you are too bossy and demanding? Listen to see if you can hear it in your recorded voice and try a new tone that is more inviting and collaborative. Would you like to speak more authoritatively? Work on having a more even tone and speaking more slowly. Would you like to use your voice to communicate kindness? Listen to see if you can hear yourself using tone that connotes kindness and caring.

Just like any tool, you can learn to use your voice better and more effectively. It starts with having a goal and intention, and setting forward on a journey toward improvement. And every journey begins with a single step or in this case a single word.

Conflict and vocal tone
This is a pretty surprising statistic. Some research indicates that between 80 and 90% of conflict is related to tone of voice. And under 10% is derived from the actual words. With so much riding on this one tool, it seems pretty important to pay attention to it and work to develop the tone of voice that you want to have.

If you have a conflict, this is an area to which you should pay close attention. Do you tend to have a higher or louder or more clipped and brusque tone of voice when you are in a conflict? There are things you can do to improve. Practice the tone of voice you would like to adopt. Record it and rehearse until you like what you hear. When you are stressed, work to speak more slowly and deliberately. Breathe. Then breathe again. When the adrenaline is flowing, it affects your vocal chords and this stress-filled voice will come across to the other person. You will want to consciously calm yourself so your voice can be a partner in conflict resolution and not a hindrance to the process.

Your voice reflects your thought process, more than you know. If you are angry, your voice will convey this emotion. That is fine if you choose to put this emotion across to the other person. But it should be a choice. You can train your voice to come across more even-handed and calm--it requires some self reflection and practice.

Individual vocal tone challenges
Everyone has a different set of vocal tone challenges. Have you heard from others that they notice something about your voice? Take this helpful feedback seriously. No one can change the actual mechanics of their vocal structure, but like any musical instrument, practice makes perfect and you can learn to use your vocal instrument more expertly. If you would like to be able to use your voice in the service of resolving conflicts, it can be done with some concerted effort.


Do this:
  • Record your voice. Do you like what you hear? Pick one specific goal that will help you come across in the way you intend. Keep recording. Or ask a partner to listen to you more carefully and give you feedback.


  • Article about vocal tone and conflict in the workplace.