I don’t know about you, but the longer I continue to shelter in place, the more restless I feel. This isn’t the same feeling as ‘boredom.’ I have yet to feel bored during this pandemic. But I often feel the pressing need to go out and
do
something, even as I go about my daily work. What a strange contradiction.
I constantly have to remind myself that everyone else is facing the same challenges. The pandemic affects each of us in different ways, of course, but we’re all struggling to come to terms with this ‘new normal.’ And I can tell that people in St. Louis are becoming more restless. I’ve noticed during the few times I’ve gone out, whether to run errands or pick up groceries, that people are becoming laxer about social distancing. They express their feelings more openly. Regardless of one’s politics or opinions about ‘reopening’ our local economy, we’re all pretty tired of this.
I think we all know the feeling of homesickness, but I never thought I’d feel a similar way about, well, virtually every other aspect of life. I miss my favorite coffee shop. I miss being able to socialize with friends. I miss worshipping with all of you at The Church of St. Michael & St. George. I even miss my office!
This isn’t because I don’t like being at home or because I don’t get along with my family. I’ve realized that this feeling simply reflects the fact that God created us as social beings. God didn’t intend for us to be alone (Gen. 2:18). It turns out that there’s a lot more to
feeling at home
than simply
being home
.
I’ve also realized that restlessness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just as God didn’t create us to be alone, he also didn’t create us to be passive, non-feeling entities. The poet Christian Wiman captures this truth in his remarkable poem, ‘Every Riven Thing,’ in which he describes God as “belonging to every riven thing he’s made.” As Wiman describes, “Belonging, to every riven thing he’s made, means a storm of peace.”
I love the image of a ‘storm of peace.’ Sometimes we think that having inner peace means not feeling anything—no emotions, no concerns, no desires. But that’s not how God made us. We feel restless because we were created to be in fellowship with one another, and even though the future is uncertain, we
will
be brought back together again.
We may feel broken. We may feel ‘riven.’ But we belong to God, and God belongs to us. That fact remains true, even during this strange pandemic.
Eastertide blessings,
Fr. Stewart
