A monthly newsletter addition from our Dietitian and Eating Disorder Recovery Team.
4 Tips for Supporting Your Loved One
1. Help monitor and navigate comments related to portion sizes
Helpful: Work with family and holiday guests to limit comments regarding how much or how little anyone is eating and give your loved one a supportive space to process any unintentionally hurtful comments made at gatherings. Individuals working through eating disorders may be especially sensitive to perceived judgment on the choices they are making and how much or how little they are eating. Hear an unhelpful comment? No need to publicly confront anyone, but help redirect the conversation, “Yes, everything looks delicious. Jane, I can’t wait to hear about your new job!” and later privately ask your loved one if they want time to talk about it.
Not as helpful: Guests and family members talking about how much food is on your plate, their plate, others’ plates or comments like “Wow! That’s a lot of mashed potatoes!” or “How can you eat all that and look how you do!?” or “Are you sure you shouldn’t be eating more?”
*Exception – If your loved one is in the phase of treatment where they need help plating portions, it may be necessary and part of their recovery for a designated person to help guide them on what an appropriate portion looks like for them at this phase.
2. Skip the labels
Helpful: Remembering all food can serve a purpose and it is okay to intuitively eat what your body is craving. Nutrition, fuel, vitamins, and balance are important, but so are mental well-being, peace, trusting your body’s signals, enjoyment of food, challenging outdated food rules and reducing stigma. Eating to nourish, to celebrate and to soothe are all healthy when done mindfully and without judgment.
Not as helpful: Adding “healthy” and “unhealthy” or “bad” and “good” labels for food. Labeling and judgment can lead to guilt and shame and can work to cement unhelpful food rules that may lead to disordered eating patterns including restriction, purging, over-exercise and bingeing.
3. Focus less on looks, more on time spent together
Helpful: Reminding loved ones and guests how happy you are to see them, how much you enjoy their company, how their energy lights up a room, how they are a wonderful human being and how much joy they add to your life.
Not as helpful: Comments on your or your loved ones’ bodies, weight gain, weight loss, size or labeling people as looking “healthy.”
4. Limit talk of “making up” for eating
Helpful: Watching for and helping redirect talk of having to make up for eating or limiting or saving up for desserts, carbs, or any specific food group. Enjoying time together over meals is one of the biggest joys of the holidays. Everyone deserves to eat and enjoy without guilt or shame or feeling like they must “make up” for it.
Not as helpful: Comments like “I saved up all day so I can eat this” or “I have to make sure I head to the gym tomorrow to burn all this off.”
Have a tip for other ways to help your loved one through the holiday season, or want to share what was helpful for you? We would love to hear from you!
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