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Shemos- Gratitude
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be focusing on a chinuch (parenting/ educational) lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah.
Background
At the beginning of this week’s Parsha, the Torah tells us of the beginning of the Jewish people being enslaved in Mitzrayim (Egypt). The Torah tells us that a ‘new’ king arose over the land of Mitzrayim who ‘did not know’ Yosef. There is a machlokes (argument) in the Gemara as to whether or not this was actually a new king, or if the king remained the same but it was as if he was new. According to both of these opinions, there is an obvious problem with this king ‘not knowing’ Yosef and that is: Yosef was a heroic ruler over Mitzrayim for 80 years! How could anyone even remotely close to Mitzrayim, forget about being amongst the ruling class, not know who Yosef was!?
Rashi explains that this king made it ‘as if’ he did not know who Yosef was. He pretended as if he had no idea that there was ever a ruler by the name of Yosef and that he had ever done anything for Mitzrayim. Rabbeinu Bechaya says that this is a prime example of someone who did not recognize the good (makir tov) that someone else did for him, this new king denied the kindness that Yosef had done for the people of Mitzrayim.
Question
Why was this a necessary factor in this new king enslaving the Jewish people? It seems from the Torah that the people of Mitzrayim felt threatened by the Jewish people becoming so numerous. So why is it necessary to explain that Pharoah did not ‘know’ Yosef, he denied Yosef’s existence, etc. Why couldn’t it be that this new king knew very good and well who Yosef was, this king was quite appreciative and thankful for what Yosef had done for the people of Mitzrayim, but at the same time there was now a big problem- the explosion and threat of the Jewish people which needed to be addressed?
To put it differently, why was it necessary for Pharoah himself to pretend as if he had no idea who Yosef was? Why did he have to, as Rashi explains, ‘make himself as if he didn’t know Yosef? I could only imagine the press conference of Pharoah standing in front of the reporters and expressing ignorance at who Yosef was. Why was this all necessary? Of course he knew Yosef- but he had a new threat to deal with and had to enslave the Jewish people to protect the interests of the people of Mitzrayim!?
Answer
If Pharoah were to really recognize the good that Yosef had done for the people of Mitzrayim, there is no way he could then go and enslave Yosef’s nation. The imperative within a person, when they recognize goodness and kindness, to repay it in kind, is too strong for a human being to betray. Therefore, Pharoah had no choice but to ‘play dumb’ and ignore, within himself, the existence of Yosef.
If Pharoah had allowed himself to remember and focus on the great kindness and accomplishment that Yosef had done for the people of Mitzrayim it would be impossible for him to enact harsh decrees and behave in a cruel manner towards the Jewish people, Yosef’s people. In order to enable his plot against the Jewish people it was necessary for him to first ‘psyche himself out’ and erase from his own memory that Yosef ever existed.
Chinuch Lesson
There are a number of ‘cheat’ character traits that with them a person can attain tremendous straightness and perfection of character. If a person focuses in on these character traits a person’s mission to improve and perfect themselves is made much easier in that these ‘cheats’ help a person’s entire being and in many areas of behavior. ‘Hakaras Hatov’ or ‘Gratitude’ is one of the most potent of the ‘cheat’ character traits. With Hakaras Hatov a person can attain a beautiful character and will be led to behave in a way which is pleasing to both Hashem and people. Someone who has gratitude will not only be loved but they will be happier and more at peace with their life and the blessing they have.
However, the flipside is also true. If someone does not have this character trait of being ‘makir tov’, if someone does not have gratitude, then this is someone who will not be able to get along with those around them and will be constantly complaining and resentful to even great blessing in their life. As the timeless song from Abie Rottenberg says- they will ‘want more and more.’
And since Hakaras Hatov is such a powerful force within the person it is therefore something which people instinctively hide from and try to ‘forget’. The imperative to be beholden and to repay those that have done kindness for me is so awesome and powerful that people often have no choice but to ignore, have ‘amnesia’ of, and even demonize those that have done good for them.
There is a famous story that the Chasam Sofer was walking in the street with his son when they were screamed at in a vile fashion by someone walking nearby. The Chasam Sofer’s son noticed that his father was very bothered and thgouhtful after this incident. When the Chasam Sofer’s son inquired as to why this particular incident bothered his father so much, the Chasam Sofer replied that he did not know why this particular person harbored such animus towards him. ‘I can’t think of anything I have ever done to help this person that would engender such vitriol’ was the Chasam Sofer’s wise and insightful response.
How important it is to instill in our children, and those we lead, to be cognizant of the good that others do, and to model ‘hakaras hatov’ for them. By modeling ourselves, and instilling in those around us, gratitude and appreciation of what we have, we will uplift and improve immeasurably our own lives and the lives of those we interact with.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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