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The snow storm at the end of January created an otherworldly effect, covering most every nook and cranny and from all directions. The scene was a splendor of light and shadow, both day and night, where sharp angles seemed softened with dollops of sparkling cream. It evoked a quiet elegance while highlighting the dormancy of the season; buffered and beautified, it softened the reality of stark, cold conditions. While snow covered everything outdoors, it isolated us indoors, which seemed to further illuminate the similarities between solitude and loneliness and how our individual experience of solitude and loneliness interacts, in varying degrees, over and over again, throughout our lifetime. As unique as a single snowflake, though as common as snow in winter, perhaps only and truly discernible on close inspection and in the privacy of our own heart and mind. In caregiving, much like collectively languishing through the pandemic, these two states of being circle one another continually and frequently hold hands. The qualities of winter are reflected in our personal experience of the season, while the gifts of dormancy and quietude move through and between both solitude and loneliness. They share many of the same elements though ultimately, one gives and the other takes. One is chosen and the other, avoided. Solitude may be welcomed, while loneliness is unwelcome, robbing us of the attention we need, the closeness we may crave and the connection we deserve.
This week as the harsh cold relinquishes its grip it’s a reminder of these extremes, inside and out. As the snow is melting into muddy pools on the streets, the presence of rain and warmer temperatures begins to reveal the grubby underbelly of winter’s wonderland. While it’s not likely the end of snow this year, it’s a reminder; this is a necessary part of the seasonal shift though we don’t enjoy it. It’s messy and let’s face it, we’d rather look away, or quite literally, fly away to places with abundant sunlight and fresh, verdant scenes. Like solitude, it feels luxurious, whereas loneliness can feel more like the grubby abandoned snow-plow mounds. Undesirable as these may be, they’re temporary too, and our aversion is a moment to recognize the personal winter we may have been through. Just like the earth of a beaten midwestern landscape in February, we may have been iced, snowed, or shut down and we may also have been warmed and melted again. And now, as spring nears, there’s an opportunity to consider the ways we navigate the solitude/loneliness cycle and how we are personally enriched and impacted by the presence of both.
If you wish to explore this topic more, here are four questions and four articles for your consideration:
Questions:
- Between the experience of loneliness and solitude, where do you reside on this spectrum at this time?
- How do you know and distinguish the impact of both within yourself?
- What are your most helpful habits and behaviors of solitude? What are your most helpful habits and behaviors of loneliness?
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What are your most unhelpful habits and behaviors of solitude? What are your most unhelpful habits and behaviors of loneliness?
Articles:
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