Helping Your Child Manage Angry Feelings, Melt Downs and Tantrums

By Kim McGarvey, MSW

TMH Clinical Director

Anger is not bad. It is as essential to being as feeling happy, excited, frightened, or worried. 

It is healthy for children and adults to experience and express a range of emotions and there are many ways that we can help children learn and practice managing their angry behaviors.

If you are a parent, you might recall a moment when your child’s anger became so intense that any use of words or reasoning seem to escape the situation. These tantrums and meltdowns can be common for toddlers and preschoolers who are learning to self-regulate and need help to manage feelings of anger, disappointment and frustration. This can be a difficult developmental stage and for most children, as they grow and change, these struggles lessen. However, for some children, managing anger can be a longer more ongoing challenge. Parents may need to find new ways to help their child express their emotions and regulate their behaviors.



At TMH we think a lot about regulation as we engage in different activities and practices to help our students learn to manage their big feelings. Anger is at the top of the list. Our meetings begin with a feelings check-in, using age-appropriate visual cues to remind the children of the many ways that they may be feeling in order to practice the expected ways to express these feelings. Adults model and guide children through healthy ways to express anger and calm down strategies that help to deescalate challenging behaviors. We talk about breath work and different ways to move our bodies to feel calm and focused and we are continuously reinforcing positive behaviors to help children feel more successful. 

It is helpful to teach children how to manage their angry feelings when they are feeling calm and content. It is much easier to take in and hold onto these important SEL skills when they are not in a heightened emotional state. We practice these skills during games, pretend play and elective activities such as improvisation and art so that each child is given multiple opportunities to develop these strengths and access them more easily when they are feeling angry.