Yisro Parsha Lesson- Chasing honor
For Year 2 of Parsha Lesson, I will be focusing on one practical middah, character trait, to think about in the week ahead and steps we can take to attain it.
Background
At the beginning of this week’s Parsha we read about Yisro coming to join his son-in-law Moshe and the Jewish nation in the desert. Yisro came with Moshe’s wife Tziporah, and their two sons- Gershom and Eliezer.
When Yisro came to the Jewish encampment he sent a messenger to Moshe that Moshe should come out and greet Yisro, Tziporah and Gershom and Eliezer. Moshe complied with Yisro’s request and went to greet Yisro.
When Aharon saw Moshe going to greet someone, he followed as well. When the Elder Sages saw Moshe and Aharon going to greet someone, they followed suit. Eventually all of the Jewish nation went to greet Yisro, thus according Yisro tremendous honor.
Many commentators are bothered by why Yisro, the great man that he was, would be “chasing honor” by requesting that Moshe, the leader of the Jewish nation, come out personally to greet him. Yisro was an extremely refined and well-developed person, surely someone of his stature and greatness would not be chasing after honor.
The Sifsei Chachamim answers that in fact, Yisro was not merely chasing honor. Rather, Yisro was requesting that Moshe come out to greet him in order that Yisro does not suffer the embarrassment of coming to join the Jewish people and no one coming to greet him. Even regular people are greeted when they are visitors- particularly so if they are visiting their son-in-law. Therefore, for Yisro to not be greeted would cause him to suffer embarrassment.
Question
The Sifsei Chachamim is not challenging the fact that Yisro was in fact “chasing honor”, he is just adding that to not receive this honor would be embarrassing. Isn’t chasing honor wrong?
And what is so bad about Yisro being “embarrassed” at not being greeted by anyone? There are many things in life that one needs to just deal with. Especially being that Moshe was a tremendously great person, and the leader of the entire nation, and to request someone of his stature come to personally greet you would seem to be unreasonably self-centered and inappropriate solution to not such a big problem.
Answer
The fact that Moshe was Yisro’s son-in-law created the natural expectation, “derech eretz”, for Moshe to come out to greet him. For this not to have occurred would leave Yisro to suffer embarrassment, thereby making Yisro’s request appropriate. Why? Because a person’s honor is EXTRMELY important.
A person should stand up for their honor. A person should not just suffer through embarrassment and belittlement. A person should expect those around them to treat them with the proper respect and insist on that. Not in a way which is demanding of something that they are not deserving of, but for the proper respect which is the “usual way of the world” or “derech eretz”.
And of course, to act in a belligerent manner in standing up for one’s self is not only ineffective but it demeans the very honor of the belligerent person themselves. Rather, a person should request- in a refined way- derech eretz from those around them.
Lesson
In order for a person to behave properly, be in the right frame of mind, and feel the appropriate honor for themselves, it is necessary to be treated the right way, with derech eretz. A person, someone who is in the “image of G-d”, and who has been endowed with free will to choose between right and wrong, should be treated respectfully and should feel a pride and honor of what they are: the pinnacle of creation and the purpose of the entire world.
This deserved honor is absolutely necessary for a person to be successful, to have resilience in the face of obstacles, and to realize their potential of what they can accomplish.
First Step
The first step in properly appreciating the greatness of a Person, one must themselves behave with respect and derech eretz to those around them. Without acting in a respectful and honorable manner to those around them, a person cannot appreciate and will not properly value a Human Being, and by extension- themselves.
Actions are extremely important in setting one’s reality. Much more than anything one knows or feels, actions are the “facts on the ground”, actions are reality. If one acts with the proper respect for those around them and therefore properly values and respects people- they will then win the respect and honor from the most important person: themselves.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
