|
Happy New Year! Happy New Year?
Happy Enough New Year? Or maybe, Enough Already, New Year!
I hope your holiday season and new year have been uncomplicated and bright, though based on the readership of this newsletter, it is likely that at least some of you have encountered rough patches (anticipated or unexpected) and some stressful carryovers into 2023 which make starting fresh feel challenging. If this is your experience, I am right there with you!
In the midst of a personal family health crisis over the holiday season, the idea of any self-improving or motivating New Year’s Resolution falls flat. Not only does it feel unhelpful at this time, it actually generates more stress and expectation, when what is needed right now is something closer to the experience of releasing what’s not needed to protect space for what is needed. Here are some questions to reflect on stress, change & crisis:
- When you are stressed, which of your activities & practices are among the first things to go?
- Among these ‘first things to go’ which ones are really good for you and impact your health & wellbeing?
- And, if you’re really honest with yourself, which ones do you feel relieved you ‘get to’ let go, due to a crisis?
- As a crisis shifts into a new phase, how do you return to yourself and ‘normal’ life?
- What process do you have prepared for integrating learning, self-care and remediating issues you encountered before moving forward?
- Do you have friends or confidants you can share and speak with in an unfiltered, unedited way to process without qualifiers or feeling guilty?
I have discovered some very interesting information about myself in the reflection of the deeper layers to these questions as I move through the phases of a crisis. I have come to trust there will be important patterns to see and sometimes confronting (though necessary) revealing lessons available through the fires of unexpected change. The eventual silver linings when a crisis subsides are frequently opportunities to return to basics and level up with ourselves. While I have benefited from many new year resolutions and intentions in the past, I recognize an opportunity to highlight personal aspirations for wellness in 2023 through a much different lens; resolutions of letting go and spaciousness vs. resolutions of addition and self-improvement. Release-illusions is how I’ve been referring to my own experience over the past several weeks.
Whether we choose to uphold a resolution or choose to release something(s) instead, both will require the strengthening of skills and wisdom through the shadows of the unexpected, even unwanted changes. While some changes may challenge our personal trajectory or sense of course for the year ahead, others may challenge our personal core and sense of identity. Sometimes the context is the issue and not just our personal ability to navigate or cope. Crisis often reveals aspects of our routines and relationships which are either strained or strong, prior to any crisis. Both are illuminating and present opportunities. Hopefully, the latter outweighs the former, though if not, it’s helpful to know. We can at least begin the work of addressing fissures in our self-care and support networks; both inner and outer.
My work with family caregivers and adults with dementia over the past three decades has given me enormous insights into what matters during change and crisis and also, how to take care of myself and the people I love, particularly with attention toward my peace for the patience required in moments of great irritation or pain. In my own personal struggles to adapt to unexpected and intense shifts, such as family caregiving, I am met with a chorus of reminders and lessons from my clients and peers. I will leave you with two essential reminders and one phrase which resonates like a beacon through times when we must relinquish control over outcome, though wield control skillfully in our response to it.
Our wellbeing is directly related to the quality of the relationships we maintain and how we approach and relish ordinary moments.
Whole-hearted, unrestricted, cooperation with the unavoidable.
With gratitude,
Laura
| 
