“Our soul waits for the LORD, he is our help and shield. For in him our hearts rejoice; in his holy name we trust. May your mercy, LORD, be upon us; as we put our hope in you.”
Ps 33:20-22

Ever since I was a little girl, I have actively struggled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit known as patience. Waiting for anything was akin to torture for me. As an adult I am better able to hide my lack of patience, which is essential when dealing with life’s inevitable waits: traffic jams, walk-in medical clinics, the DMV, cable repair, any wireless store, airports, and worst of all, the work meeting where a lot is said but nothing is accomplished. All of these situations, while annoying, have the potential to build character, or at the very least, allow you to catch up on some reading

However, there are other kinds of waits that are harder: and potentially life changing. Waiting for lab results of a loved one, waiting to see if you have been accepted to your dream school, waiting for a response on a job application, waiting for your house to sell, and waiting for a child to be born, are just a few examples. My mom used to say that “good things are worth waiting for” and followed that with “God’s timing is not our timing.” What she did not mention, and what I discovered on my own, is that while good things are worth waiting for, their failure to arrive immediately and at the time you expect or desire can often lead you to either give up or lose hope. One of my favorite books is Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. In the book he refers to this state of suspension as “the waiting place” where everyone is “just waiting” with no end in sight. 

In my own life, the longest I ever spent in the “waiting place” was fourteen years. When I was a little girl there were two things I always knew that I wanted to be: a teacher and a mother. In sixth grade we were tasked by our teacher to create our ideal life timeline. My plan at age 11 was as follows and I did not stray far from it: graduate from St. Norbert College (check) , become a teacher (check) get married (check) and then have six children (no check.) After seven years of marriage and multiple trips to several doctors , Josh and I discovered that we would not be able to conceive naturally on our own. After much prayer and discernment, we decided that the Lord was calling us to be parents through adoption, and so I thought our time in the waiting place was over, but after applying to several agencies and two failed matches, I told myself that we were better off simply embracing what was. I quietly gave up hope in having a family of my own, and the hope that God would answer the prayer I prayed in the silence of my heart during every Mass I attended for the span of 14 years.

I had every intention in keeping this interior change to myself, but during a visit to my 90 year old grandmother’s to trim her tree, she ferreted it out of me. Grandma had a way of being marvelously direct and when I told her about my thoughts she wasted no time in contradicting them. “Don’t you give up, girl. Don’t you EVER give up. Hold on.” As usual, her encouragement gave me courage to continue in hope.