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I will sing of loyalty and of justice; to you, O Lord, I will sing. I will study the way that is blameless. When shall I attain it? –– Psalm 101:1-2
In the Gospel of John, when the risen Jesus appears before his disciples, all hidden away in a locked room, we read, “Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” Pneuma is the Greek word for wind, breath, and spirit. The breath of Christ infuses his followers with the Spirit of God, awakening them to the presence and reality of God, and empowering them to go forth in faith and service. Thus, the Spirit of God both initiates and nourishes discipleship. The grace of Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit are one in nurturing faith from infancy to maturity. Faith begets commitment, commitment fosters growth, and growth leads to …? I want to say maturity, but as I look back on the journey thus far, and then look forward to that desired destination, I am quick to worry how or whether I will get there. As with adulthood, I’ve never been able to perceive what it is like to inhabit that space. When I walk into a party, my first worry (of many) is that I don’t belong, thinking, “These are adults. They know things. I have nothing to contribute to their witty, lofty, and world aware conversations. Perhaps there’s a dog I can hang out with, as they speak more on my level!”
I find comfort in Psalm 101, because I hear a familiar internal conflict in the Psalmist’s spirit.
There is the joy of faith’s first stirring –– “To you, O Lord, I will sing.”
There is the promise and commitment to grow –– “I will study the way that is blameless;” “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is base;” “Perverseness of heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.”
Can’t you imagine God’s reaction? “Yeah, well, good luck with all of that.”
All laudable promises, to be sure, and expressed with such confidence in one’s own self-discipline. And yet, best intentions are not necessarily a guarantee of disciplined action or restraint. The hem and haw of life and motivation impede that progress toward maturity, and as we struggle forward it seems the finish line of faith maturity moves further away. Even with the Psalmist’s confident promises, you can sense the creep of doubt. “I will study the way that is blameless. When shall I attain it?”
Truth is, we don’t attain it, but move toward it by the strength of God’s Spirit at work in us. As Martin Luther sang, “Did we in our own strength confide; our striving would be losing, were not the right man on our side, the man of God’s own choosing. Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is he.”
If my commitment to God is solely dependent on the finite strength of my conviction, I am lost. Yet, through the grace, love, and fellowship of our triune God, I can move forward, however haltingly, toward the maturity to which we are called. Along the way, unsophisticated and insecure, I’ll most likely still be found hanging out with the dog at the next party.
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