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Chayei Sarah- Man's Mission
For this year’s Parsha Lesson I will be applying the lesson that can be derived from the Dvar Torah to the world as we know it today.
Background
At the beginning of this week’s Parsha, the Torah tells us that Sarah, Avraham’s wife, one of the matriarchs of the Jewish people, passed away. Avraham mourned greatly over Sarah’s passing. The love and attachment that Avraham and Sarah had for one another was so great that Hashem’s shechina (presence) hovered over their tent. Avraham was understandably very saddened to lose his dear wife.
It says in the Torah that Avraham ‘got up’ from mourning Sarah. The Midrash explains that Avraham prematurely ended his mourning period. The Midrash explains that Avraham did this because he felt that while his mourning for his wife was certainly a mitzvah, and especially so being that Sarah was such a righteous woman, nevertheless Avraham felt himself beginning to become too sad. At that point, Avraham felt that he needed to end his mourning.
Question
How could this be!? Mourning a righteous person is a very important mitzvah. Mourning one’s close relative is also an important mitzvah. If so, shouldn’t Avraham continue to mourn Sarah, as he felt was appropriate before sensing his extreme sadness, and be confident that no harm will come to him? As someone who is doing the right thing should be confident!?
Answer
Undoubtedly, the Torah prescribed mourning period for the deceased, Avraham fulfilled completely. However, Avraham felt that in this situation it was appropriate to mourn even more- due to his close relationship with Sarah and her greatness as one of the most righteous people ever. Avraham was unquestionably doing a Mitzvah by mourning the holy Sarah even more, however he began to sense an excessive amount of sadness that was now creeping in. When it comes to extra, ‘voluntary’ mitzvos, one must take into account the effects of this ‘extra credit’ piety and determine whether or not one should proceed or desist.
Why is this so? One reason is that even if someone were to be doing the ‘right’ thing, if this will lead them to do more things ‘wrongly’ in the future- and the ‘right’ thing that they’re doing now is not the letter of the law but is extra credit, that would not be worth it in the long run and it is therefore improper to do.
The Rambam in his introduction to Pirkei Avos discusses at length what is known as the “golden medium,” or the “middle way.” The Rambam explains that all of the various “good” attributes and “bad” attributes, in truth, need to be practiced in moderation. There is no such thing as something which is unlimitedly good or unquestionably bad, rather, all character traits need to be exercised with balance and in the right dosage. If a person is too haughty, he won’t fulfill his responsibilities properly or respect others. On the other hand, if a person practices excessive humility he can come to degrade themselves and not accomplish what they should. A person needs to take responsibility for their moods and temperament. A person needs to be constantly checking themselves to ensure they are in a balanced frame of mind, neither becoming overly upset or sad, nor overly excited and lightheaded.
Why is this so? Being that a person’s mood and temperament, and a person’s middos or character traits, have an outsized effect on the person’s behavior, it is therefore extremely important for a person to make sure that these are in line. A person may be off in only one area of a character defect, a person may only have a little problem with their temperment, but these can have outsized ramifications on their behavior and ability to function overall. If a person is more ‘balanced’ they will be able to more consistently make proper decisions. By following the “golden medium” a person will come out ahead in the long term.
Although Avraham was no longer obligated by Torah law to mourn any longer, Avraham was unquestionably doing a Mitzvah and a very good thing by mourning his righteous wife Sarah. Avraham, however, sensed that an excessive amount of sadness was now creeping in. Therefore, to remain on the “middle road” and protect himself, Avraham felt it necessary to abort the mission and move on.
Lesson for our world
What an eye-opening lesson this is for us, especially in today’s day and age!
For starters, many recent great baalei Mussar (master of ethical and character development) have observed that falling into ‘atzvus’ or sadness is of the most profound challenges of this generation. When people fall into sadness they cannot behave properly and at an extreme, they cannot function. Many people feel that either it’s not their fault, it’s somewhat comforting to feel sad for yourself, it’s not such a big deal, etc. Avraham aborting his mourning for his holy wife Sarah, even though he was such a great person and not someone who ever shied away from a challenge, he shows us that sadness is a big problem. Because of his greatness, Avraham was able to take responsibility for himself and realize how important his ‘mood’ and ‘frame of mind’ are.
And how does one deal with such a problem? Sometimes the only way is to ‘get up’ and stop one’s ‘mourning.’
More specifically, in light of the recent tragedies that have befallen our people, it is encouraging and heartening to see those that are able to, lifting up the spirits of those around them. From the singers who are circulating throughout the land of Israel to lift the spirits of those suffering from the tragedy; the chessed (acts of loving kindness) organizations which are staging various shows, entertainment events, etc. for people suffering from the recent tragedies; these people are doing a great service for our people at this time. This is not a small matter and continuing to be on ‘war footing’ is not the answer for people that are getting down and sad about the current events.
Happiness, being uplifted, being positive, having an expansive spirit- these are all vitally important and necessary in our service of Hashem. We have a responsibility to ourselves and those around us to lift ourselves up and be happy.
Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos,
Rabbi Eli Meir Kramer
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