• The phenomenon of kinkeeping: “invisible” stress experienced by women.

• A psychologist delineates the 5 mechanisms of “hurtful exchanges” among couples.

• Compulsive social media checking among children and teens has been linked to negative effects on the brain.

• New research analyzes what linguistic features of clinicians in psychotherapy sessions may be associated with treatment outcomes. 

Please check out the library of available blog articles and podcast recordings.

• "Weak Ties," "Talking to Strangers," and Kindness



• The Pursuit of the "Exciting Object"

The Men's Group Seminar: The Most Insidious Coping Mechanism in Modern Culture: Vertical Splitting 

Freud was perhaps the first and most important theorist who sought to understand coping. Dividing the mind horizontally, Freud believed that what the human psyche could not tolerate (in thought or in reality) is suppressed/repressed and subsequently sequestered away, i.e., stored below conscious awareness in the unconscious. This “basement” of indigestible material allows a person to live without having to undergo the process of coming to terms with threatening material, an arrangement that has both its advantages and disadvantages. Since Freud, another type of coping mechanism has been studied in which the mind divides vertically. In this process, the mind organizes cells or compartments (think of the honeycomb structure of bees) to manage diverse and discordant ways of being. For example, a person may be a devoted father in one cell, a philanthropist in another cell, and the active participant in an affair in yet another cell. This cellular division allows for the moral inconsistencies in one’s character to literally exist side by side one another, segmenting and disunifying what may be considered one’s central identity or “the self.” Vertical splitting delays necessary confrontations with one’s value system and avoids substantial decisions that may alter and progress a person’s life. In the next virtual meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, January 21, 2023 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will discuss vertical splitting, its relevance for men in modern culture, and its pernicious consequences.  The ongoing revolution of ideas concerning masculinity and masculine identity (termed the “masculinity paradox” by one panel of experts) perforates and disorganizes how boys and men are socialized and conceive their identities, supporting a trend in my view toward vertical orientations of coping.  

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: Rethinking the Notion of “Settling” 

In social discourse, the notion of settling is often used in a negative light, i.e., to suggest foreclosing on the search for “true love” for something less, perhaps motivated by the pressure to move on with other goals and milestone events including, perhaps, starting a family or securing financial stability. Settling is associated with unfulfilling or even toxic relationships in which red flags about one’s partner are denied or ignored, and the low self-esteem of the one settling is seen as the factor responsible for the inability to end the relationship. Some experts have even proposed that the partner with whom one settles may represent the best solution to prior relationship difficulties (for example, if a person has been abandoned by previous lovers, he or she may select a partner who would never leave). The choice of this partner indeed solves one problem but bypasses other components of long-term relationship satisfaction. There is, however, the emerging view that settling may not be all that bad. The natural decline of dopamine surges after the honeymoon phase of coupling suggests that desiring more may be more aptly supplanted with, “ ‘Is what I have good enough?’ ” Another perspective raised by a relationship therapist argues that the fear of settling is linked to the tendency to become complacent in relationships. This view suggests that consistently advocating for one’s needs is an important competency and that concerns about our partner’s limitations may be more indicative of our own weaknesses and imperfections. Finally, a first-hand account of the rather tepid evolution of a relationship challenges preconceived notions of one’s “ideal partner.” In the next virtual meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, January 21, 2023 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore these dynamics of settling and related concepts including compromise, negotiation, and acceptance. 

To register for this upcoming virtual seminar, please see the directions below.

Newly-Forming Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group

A new psychodynamic psychotherapy group (for women and men) is currently forming in my practice. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group will utilize the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. This group will be a therapeutic experience and entry occurs only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase. As of now, the time and location of this new group are TBD.