• Science questions the validity of the love languages. 

• The conflict between our intentions and actions: how ancient philosophers and modern social psychology address fundamental gaps in our capacity to know ourselves.

• The increasing prevalence of the “boomerang effect”: why “emerging adulthood” is no longer viewed as problematic.

• On dopamine-fasting and the adjustment of your “hedonic setpoint.”

• Three primary components of narcissism.

• Freudian concepts applied to the modern male. 

Please check out the library of available blog articles and podcast recordings.

• "Toxic Growth" and the Self-Improvement Culture



• The Conundrum

The Men's Group Seminar: Solutions to Modern Life Dilemmas, According to Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle 

In a compelling Hidden Brain episode released last weekend, Yale philosopher Tamar Gendler argued that the dilemmas of contemporary life, and their potential solutions, were surprisingly described long ago, as far back as the time of ancient Greece. She suggests that a fundamental flaw of being human is that we do not know ourselves, that the gap between our intentions and actions is often large. Further, she argues that human motivation is always chaotic, driven by numerous contradictory desires and values which exist perpetually in conflict with each other, leaving most of us – at one time or another – feeling like we are out of alignment with who we are and what we genuinely want. To mitigate these problems, Gendler details the major philosophical contributions of Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. Her account of these philosophers eerily reflects insights into human psychology and neurological functioning developed only in recent decades.

In the next meeting of the Men’s Group Seminar on Saturday, January 20, 2024 (10:15 to 11:30 AM), we will discuss Gendler’s review of these philosophers and the implications of their work for modern men and male psychology. For Socrates, Gendler states that his contention was that “we are opaque to ourselves,” i.e., that our self-insight is always obstructed by a failure to recognize our own biases and assumptions and that we are largely driven by an automatic pilot/set of default moods, perceptions, and tendencies. To rectify this issue, Gendler suggests applying the Socratic method to oneself, to consistently inspire new awareness of why we think what we think and do what we do. Plato’s main concern, according to Gendler, was that any person is essentially comprised of competing wishes, desires, and values, is “a house divided” as she characterizes it. Plato believed that our “multiple selves” were linked to the distinct goals of “reason,” “spirt,” and “appetite.” Gendler points out that Plato’s framework is not all that different from contemporary notions of competing brain systems: System 1 (“thinking fast”: pursuing our instinctual desires) vs. System 2 (“thinking slow”: utilizing the prefrontal cortex to control and regulate our behavior). Finally, Gendler showcases the work of Aristotle who put forth ideas about how to become the person we want to become, many of which reflect science’s current understanding of habit formation and behavior change. Aristotle argued that only through repeated practice can beliefs/intentions transform into action (“act as if you were that which you want to become”).  

To register for this upcoming seminar, please see the directions below.

The Relationship Group Seminar: “At the Edge of Visibility”

During a recent stay in Manhattan, I had the opportunity to explore the exhibition Going Dark: The Contemporary Figure at the Edge of Visibility, on display at the Guggenheim. The 28 artists featured utilize a range of materials, techniques, and visual manipulations to display photographs, solid forms, and scene renderings of varying degrees of visibility. Partial or complete obstruction, abstraction, light/dark motifs, the combination of realistic and unrealistic feature components, and figure/ground alterations leave the viewer disorganized by what is seen and unseen. As you make your way through the exhibit, the enigmatic quality of the works incites – yet simultaneously refutes – all attempts to interpret or extrapolate. In the end, you simply don’t know what it is you’re looking at. Summaries of the artists’ works and critical commentary of the exhibit observe the sociopolitical continuum of “obscurity/invisibility” vs. “hypervisibility” that is thematically at play in “Going Dark,” essential components of the digital age as well as persevering institutions including racism and sexism. One review poignantly characterizes “a key point of conflict in representation: both the desire to be seen and the desire for obscurity.”

Intimacy, it can be argued, centers around a similar continuum with competing poles: the desire to be seen authentically, understood, and accepted by another vs. the need to remain obscure, partially hidden or even fully concealed. How we navigate ourselves and our partner along this continuum not only determines the dynamics that will constitute the relationship, but ultimately sets the stage for what will finally become visible to ourselves about ourselves, and what will remain unseen. In the next in-person meeting of the Relationship Group Seminar on Saturday, January 20, 2024 (11:45 AM to 1:00 PM), we will explore themes of invisibility, visibility, and hypervisibility in romantic relationships. I will suggest that each of these zones of visibility correspond to certain phenomenon common among couples (e.g., slamming a door when angry may be viewed as an act of hypervisibility to counter feelings of invisibility). Further, many conflicts among couples will be portrayed as systematic attempts to negate a partner’s current position on the continuum of visibility (i.e., you want to hide from me so I will try even harder to see you). Finally, in order to stimulate an ongoing sense of relational learning and discovery, we will discuss how to overcome the biases that limit our understanding of our partner. If we train our own mind to connect to the “edge of visibility” of our partner, not foreclose upon it, we may delight in and even encourage new aspects of our partner's identity to be revealed. 

To register for this upcoming seminar, please see the directions below.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy Group: One Opening

There is currently one opening in an ongoing psychodynamic psychotherapy process group in my practice. Referrals are welcomed (please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com). This therapy group utilizes the emerging dynamics among group members as a basis from which to examine characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and relating to others. The group is a therapeutic experience and entry will occur only after a pre-group screening interview and preparation phase.