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In the Talmudic tractate Kiddushin (49a), which covers the laws of marriage, there is a fascinating debate about the validity of certain unions. Is a marriage in which the husband has deceived the wife by claiming he is poorer than he actually is, or perhaps less famous than he let on, valid and binding? The Talmud draws a fascinating distinction. If a husband who has claimed to be poor is in fact wealthy, the marriage is valid, at least according to some sages. After all, who wouldn’t prefer shopping at Tiffany’s to shopping at TJ Maxx? But being famous is another matter, and the union is not valid. The wife claims “the shoe is too big”, meaning that being in the spotlight is off-putting for her.
In this week’s portion, Vayishlach, the issue of social status is mentioned by none other than Rashi (1040-1105), the greatest commentator on the Torah (and the Talmud, for that matter). When you read the commentary of Rashi, it’s like watching Jeopardy on television – he gives you the answer, but you have to determine the question. In fact, Rashi gives two answers, one from the midrash Tanchuma and the other a word-play, in commenting on Jacob’s meeting with Esau:
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I have become neither a prince nor other person of importance but merely a sojourner. It is not worth your while to hate me on account of the blessing of your father who blessed me (27:29) “Be master over your brother”, for it has not been fulfilled in me (Tanchuma 1:8:5). Another explanation: the word garti (I have lived with) has the numerical value of 613 – that is, the 613 mitzvot- it is as much as to say, “Though I have sojourned with Laban, the wicked, I have observed, the 613 Divine Commandments, and I have adopted none of his evil ways.”
Okay, so now that we have the answer, what’s the question? Jacob is going out to meet his brother Esau after twenty years of estrangement. Hiding his wealth would be pointless. Jacob therefore uses his wealth to assuage Esau’s anger by presenting a generous gift so large that the many animals have to be separated into discrete groups. In my experience, we don’t complain about wealthy spouses or lavish presents.
On the other hand, Esau could potentially envy Jacob’s social status. Jacob therefore mounts a sort of “double protest” against the idea of being a man of prestige. First, he points out that he sojourned with Laban and while successful, only now was he striking out on his own. More importantly, he was still just a simple Jew, the same brother who – according to the rabbis – studied in the yeshiva of Shem and Ever.
Because when you present someone like Esau with a shoe, you must make sure it fits.
- Rabbi Scott Hoffman
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