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From my corporate days I remember they had this refrain, “what gets measured, gets managed”. Those words always lead to a series of unending spreadsheets, tedious graphs, and acronyms like TQM (Total Quality Management) and QA (Quality Assurance). But I don’t know that they ever had YADG (You Are Doing Great) or WD (Well Done). I even remember they brought in a consultant to teach us how to give feedback to each other. The model was you had to state 3 positives to the person and then you could hit them with the criticism. Isn’t that charming?
Anyone smart would walk away after the second affirmation. Waiting for the third one, probably not helpful.
Perhaps all that we need are lessons from a dog. That handsome lad in the picture is Taco, my sister Rita’s dog. He frequently gets told “Leave It” because he likes food, as many of us do, and will ferret out something dropped sometime last year, in the park by a child, that is long past due date, and eat it. You can imagine that does not end well. Consequently, Rita is often heard to say “Leave It, Leave It”. And when he does, there is a reward. This is used when he wants to chase other dogs and is generally all purpose.
I am going to try this myself. When I so want to respond in a way that will only provoke the other person, ‘leave it Mary Lou’. When I want to express how deluded they are, ‘leave it, leave it’. When I want to self-deprecate, self-efface, ‘leave it, leave it’. When I really want more ice cream, ‘leave it’. And my reward, more peace, less angst, more self-confidence, and room for more cake because I didn’t eat all the ice cream. Give it a try my friends, ‘leave it’ may be our new favorite way to find joy, thanks Taco! Mary Lou Nugent
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