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Now we are experiencing a global swing to authoritarianism. Many people are caught up in fears and beliefs that make it OK to make others suffer, and who see things in two dimensions: us-them, right-wrong, black-white, win-lose. The same dynamics affect our personal relationships.
For centuries people have supported, joined with, or ignored those who have exploited, excluded, enslaved, and killed in the name of wealth, religion, race, and country. People opt for authoritarians because they desire a strong leader who promises security, power, prosperity and a return to an imagined glorious time. Authoritarians cut off dialog.
Don't turn a blind eye to the reality of power-hungry dictators and the harm they bring. For a sense of the cost of turning things over to authoritarians consider Franco in Spain, Hitler, regimes in Russia, China, Iran, Hungary, and more. Consider the personal cost of giving control to self-centered bullies or passive-aggressive manipulators.
So, How Do We Talk with the Enemy?
There is no easy answer.
Out to dinner with friends, we could not discuss politics because one of us was unwilling to explore their view when confronted with tough questions like how to balance compassion with the feeling that poor people and immigrants are destroying our culture and taking advantage of government safety-nets. How does dialog work when speaking out against the bombing of Gaza is seen as antisemitic or arguing against a ceasefire is deemed genocidal Zionism?
There is no way to have a dialog when one person refuses to engage or when challenging a dearly held belief is deemed evil or ignorant and can even result in physical violence.
In those situations, it may be best to not engage and ruin the family gathering. It is also best to not view the other as the enemy. They are convinced that their beliefs are truths, and maybe we are too. But there is a line, for example genocidal and racist rants, which when crossed means confronting and, possibly, ending a relationship.
What You Can Do
Without open-minded dialog there is little hope for peaceful coexistence. And we have entered a time when dialog is decreasing, and division is increasing.
What can you do when you see and hear the unacceptable way others think? When you come across a fascist, a communist, a 'woke' person, racist, or a homophobe can you take a breath and relax into a dialog?
Try shifting the conversation to focus on critical thinking and the difference between beliefs, opinions, facts, and truth to open some pathway to mutual understanding. Try finding a common ground in ethical morality - Dr King's Moral Universe.
Don't expect to change their mind and be open to changing yours. Observe and accept your feelings. Avoid creating more division than there already is. Be patient, it is not easy to overcome prejudice-driven knee-jerk reactions to beliefs you find appallingly ignorant and cruel. Be open-hearted. Be willing to stand for what you know is right while questioning how you know it is right and how it affects yourself and others.
Realize that your dialog is unlikely to resolve global political issues, though it may resolve interpersonal relationship issues.
Be ready for anything, whether it is war or peaceful coexistence. Accept and let go into doing what you can do.
Think of the children and their children. How will what you say and do affect them?
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