Worthy of Love

People are surprised by my answer when they ask me, “What is your favorite movie?” I tell them, “What Dreams May Come.” Most people have never heard of it or seen it. In this 1998 film, Robin Williams’ character, Chris, goes to Hell to get his wife, Annie. Annie is overcome with guilt regarding the death of her husband and kids, and she commits suicide.

She lost Chris and her two young children in two separate car accidents. Chris only has a few minutes to try to get her out of Hell or he will be permanently trapped there himself. He is successful; they ascend to Heaven together. This story is my favorite because I am a hopeless romantic! Chris went to Hell to get his wife! I love it! I know it’s not realistic. I know Sherman won’t have to come get me, because #1- I don’t plan to go there and #2- I have a Savior who has already paid the price. But the feeling that comes over me as I acknowledge that I know without a shadow of doubt that Sherman Newman would come to Hell to get me, is unparalleled.

I feel valued, protected, and cherished when he opens the car door for me, opens the door to buildings for me, pulls out my chair at restaurants, gives me flowers, and stands until I’m seated when we stand and sit as prompted at church. But knowing he would come to Hell to get me is a next level feeling. Society taught him that as a man he is supposed to cherish me and make me feel like a lady, a princess or a Queen, but society did not teach me to love, honor, and cherish him, with the same intensity. I vowed to, but before the vows were said, I was not taught how to. Good role models were few and far between in my community. But, if at any time during these 24 years of marriage you questioned my ability to love, I could always fall back on Ephesians 5:33, and say that Paul said for wives to respect their husbands (not love them but respect them). And we know that the respect factor is huge for men. Barbara Rainey maintains that when we respect our husbands, we notice them, regard them, honor them, prefer them, and esteem them. This means that we value their opinion, admire their wisdom and character, appreciate their commitment to us, and consider their needs and values. There is no way this level of respect is not going to result in their feeling “loved”.

In Titus 2:4, I am reminded that as a seasoned wife, I am to teach younger women to ‘love’ their husbands and children. This is my teaching moment! So, I am supposed to love him, and someone was supposed to teach me how. In Mark 12:31, we find the second greatest commandment, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Loving our favorite neighbor, our husband, looks like unconditional acceptance- accepting him just the way he is; believing he is worthy of love and respect without any conditions. Barbara Rainey taught me. She said that when considering our husbands’ needs, we need to remember that one of their most important needs is sexual. We should prioritize their sexual needs “over housework, projects, activities, and even the children.” I don’t want to upset anyone …. I’m just in ‘each one, teach one’ mode. This means that no matter how much we have on our plates, we should save some of our energy for our husbands. Thinking like this will keep us from being selfish and living focused only on our own needs and wants, which is not conducive to a happy marriage. This line of thinking and feeling also reminds me of a conversation that I had with a girlfriend who shared that while she was fixing her husband’s plate for dinner, her daughter came in the room and said, “I’m never doing that…. I’m not going to fix anyone’s plate!” We laughed and agreed that this means, 'I’m never going to love anyone.' If you truly love someone, you can’t say what you would or would not do. Bobby Caldwell said it best when he sang, What You Won’t Do for Love. This sentiment is so true that Snoh Aalegra just remade the song and entitled it, DO 4 LOVE. The specific line of the song that addresses this is, in my world, only you, make me do for love what I would not do.

Additionally, William McDowell reminds us in his song, I Give Myself Away/Here I Am, that, my life is not my own, to You I belong. I give myself; I give myself to You. I must remind myself frequently, when I don’t get to do the things I want to do, because of caregiving and other responsibilities, that my life is not my own. God created me and has set the purpose and the path. So, as I give myself more and more to Him, I pray that my husband will reap the benefits and experience the love, peace, and protection of God, more fully and in every aspect of his life.

I know that this is a hard concept to grasp, when you are a woman who has been raised in a community that has taught you to not love men any more than they love you; taught you to distrust and disrespect them; taught you to use them- ask for money, houses, cars, jewelry, stuff and more stuff and give them nothing in return. I know it taught some women this, because this is what it tried to teach me, but I’ve always known in my spirit that this was wrong. Our men are so worthy of our love! They need to know by our words and deeds that we would go to Hell to get them!

It's our 24^th Wedding Anniversary month (October 11^th was the day) and we thank God for the opportunity to travel this road together. It’s been anything but easy, but we are learning and growing as we go and committed to each other and this ministry of love.

With Love,

Paula and Sherman Newman

For those planning a fall weekend getaway to the North Carolina mountains, take note that Highland, North Carolina has been named America’s Best Small Mountain Town on Travel + Leisure magazine’s America’s Best Small Towns 2023 list.

Highland, NC, which borders South Carolina and Georgia is touted as a haven for hiking, picturesque waterfalls, art, music and fine dining. Highlands, N.C., is in one of just two rainforests in North America. Fall foliage will be peaking in Highlands, NC, in mid-to-late October. Please see additional information at https://www.travelandleisure.com/guide-to-highlands-north-carolina-7629375 , and have fun!

Maybe we should try a romantic couples massage at the Rock Barn Country Club and Spa (picture), in Conover, N.C., https://www.rockbarn.com/Spa/Spa_Gallery. 

Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite Cruise, https://maxwellsurbanhangsuitecruise.com/ . After leading the way in modern R&B and transfixing music lovers for more than two decades, multi-platinum Grammy-award winning artist Maxwell is taking to the sea in the inaugural Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite Cruise! This 4-night ocean cruise will feature two exclusive performances by Maxwell!

Join Maxwell, Ledisi, Robert Glasper, Sabrina Claudio, Musiq Soulchild, Leela James, Gallant and more to be announced as we celebrate four glorious nights under the Caribbean night’s sky.

Setting sail February 10 – 14, 2024 on the Norwegian Pearl, Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite Cruise will be stopping at two beautiful Bahamian destinations, Great Stirrup Cay & Nassau. Sounds like an amazing VALENTINE’S DAY WEEKEND!

Crock-Pot Cube Steak

Ingredients:

2 lb. cube steak (about 4 pieces)

2 tsp. kosher salt

1 1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

2 tsp. garlic powder

2 large yellow onion, sliced into 1/4" rings

1 (2-oz.) packet onion soup mix

1 c. low-sodium beef broth

1/4 c. cold water

2 tbsp. cornstarch

Instructions:

Step 1

Season steaks with salt and pepper. Add to slow cooker along with garlic powder, onion, onion soup mix, and beef broth.

Step 2

Set slow cooker to low for 8 hours.

Step 3

1 hour before you’re ready to serve, mix cold water and cornstarch in a small bowl and stir into slow cooker. Cook on high until gravy has thickened, stirring periodically.

Step 4

Serve over mashed potatoes, rice, or buttered egg noodles.

Date Ideas:



Durham Performing Arts Center (DPAC), https://www.dpacnc.com/events/all :

Ladies R&B Kickback Concert Part 2: Dru Hill, H-Town, and Donell Jones- Friday, November 3, 2023

Jerry Seinfeld- Saturday, November 18, 2023

Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith Christmas with Special Guest Michael Tait of the Newboys- Monday, November 27, 2023

Scott Bradlee’s Post-Modern Jukebox: Life in the Past Lane Tour- Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Wynonna Judd: Back to Wy Tour- Thursday, November 30, 2023

The Hip Hop Nutcracker with Special Guest Kurtis Blow- Saturday, December 2, 2023

PNC Arena, https://www.pncarena.com/events

Dave Chappelle- October 25th

Carolina Theater, https://carolinatheatre.org/events/

Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue- November 2nd

Al Strong- November 11th at 11 a.m.

Paula Poundstone- November 11^th

Brian Culbertson- November 14^th

Goodnight’s Comedy Club, https://www.goodnightscomedy.com/calendar

Luenell- Friday, October 20 – Saturday, October 21, 2023

Clint Coley- Sunday, October 22, 2023

Orlando Jones- Sunday, October 29, 2023

Marcus Smith- Sunday, November 5, 2023

TIP Harris- Friday, November 17- Sunday, November 19, 2023

Sommore- Friday, December 8 – Sunday, December 10, 2023

Mojo Brookzz- Sunday, December 17, 2023

Raleigh Improv, https://improv.com/raleigh/

Leonard Ouzts- Friday, October 27- Sunday, October 29, 2023

Jesus Trejo- Friday, November 3- Sunday, November 5, 2023

Jay Pharoah- Friday, December 8- Saturday, December 9, 2023

Godfrey- Friday, December 29- Sunday, December 31, 2023

Seven Springs Farm and Vineyard, https://sevenspringsvineyards.com/

Country Western Experience at the Vineyard! Sat, Oct. 28 3pm

Enjoy one of these Fall Festivals in the Triangle this Fall, https://triangleonthecheap.com/fall-halloween-festivals-triangle/ . Or try going to a pumpkin patch, corn maze or other fun farm activity with your love.

We suggest a hayride at sunset!  

Look Easy by Robin Thicke, https://youtu.be/z5dh5TlVWrU?si=GMR2YqGArKLZtdLm

Finance Matters

Things to Cut from Our Budgets as We Head Toward Retirement

Lots of people do not realize until too late to save more they will only get 60-80% of their current income when they retire. Let’s start making the necessary financial adjustments, now, by cutting back on or eliminating the following expenses:

Checking Account Fees: Go paperless for your statements; keep the minimum balance in your account; enroll in direct deposit.

Gym Membership: Go outside and get some fresh air! Try YouTube, Nike Training Club, Meetups, etc.

Bottled Water: Get a Brita Water filter!

Fancy Coffee: Brew your own coffee at home.

Haircuts and Hairdos: We can do our own hair…let’s watch some YouTube videos and learn how to do our own hair.

Eating out for lunch: Make enough for dinner to pack lunches for the next day.

Extended Warranties: Most of them are not worth it because most products will not need repair during the warranty period; the cost of repairs may be less than or equal to the cost of what you will pay for the warranty.

Cable TV: Consider using Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime; cable is getting expensive.

Name Brand Items: generic can goods at the grocery store, medications from the pharmacy, and clothing from department stores and just as good as name brands most of the time.

Late Fees for credit card bills…any bill: fees for late payments really add up.

Convenient Stores: Buy snacks when you buy groceries instead of stopping at convenient stores for expensive snacks.

Communication is Key...

Avoid Communication Traps