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Over the past few months, I have defined the importance of humility, gratitude, equanimity, and silence to understanding Humanistic Jewish Mussar. These virtues include being humble when the situation warrants it, intentionally finding things to be grateful for, finding emotional balance in rough waters, and knowing when to use silence for wellbeing and when to speak up. I have also pointed to the importance of reflecting on these virtues daily and intentionally trying to find balance (avoiding extremes) within each virtue.
Living wisely through Mussar practice, pushes us to find the right amount of each virtue across situations, with the goal of actualizing our humanistic potential and effectiveness. The key phrase is: practice, practice, evaluate, be honest when we look at ourselves, plan, practice, practice.
Today I will discuss generosity. The Oxford Language Dictionary defines generosity as the quality of being kind and generous. We can be generous with our money, resources, knowledge, skills, emotional honesty, help, and time. Generosity should not be measured by amount, but by effort, and consistency. Generosity should be a habit. It has positive consequences, for both giver (being appreciative of what we have to offer, being humble and having a quality connection to others) and receiver (be grateful, building trust in others, reducing distress, and improving quality of life).
We should give without expectation of receiving. Sometimes we will be the giver; sometimes we will be on the receiving end. The level of generosity that we personally need and receive may change over the course of life. Remembering this, will help us nest our own generosity within the virtue of humility.
With generosity, quality is more important than quantity. Several quotes obtained from Goodreads.com illustrate this point. First, “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give” (Kahlil Gibran). Second, “No matter how poor one is, one can still give others’ riches” (Ann Frank). Third, A man is known by the size of his heart, not by the depth of his pockets” (Qamar Rafiq). And as stated by Lao Tzu: “The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others the more he has for his own.” Therefore, the quality of generosity is determined by a good faith effort to help, in a way that is feasible, consistent, heart-felt, and genuine. Both receiver and giver benefit, in multiple ways.
Humility is critical for facilitating generosity. For example, appreciating that we are no more special than other people, should motivate us to help those less fortunate. We can help within our own means.
We are born to be generous. At times, the trajectory into adulthood is smooth and consistent. Sometimes, events and environmental factors, cause drift from this virtue. Rabbi Sherwin Wine (1976) stated: “We are not born to be selfish. If each of us were interested in our personal survival alone, the human species would long since have perished. If most of us were unwilling to subordinate our own welfare to the welfare of our group, neither family nor community would be possible. There is within each of us an instinct for cooperation, a tendency to feel ourselves a part of a social whole greater than ourselves.”
In the spirit of finding the sweet spot or middle way for a virtue, we should be sure that our generosity has positive consequences for others. Giving should improve a person’s lot. We need to be careful not to inadvertently enable someone, in a way that will strengthen self-defeating behavior. Sometimes the most generous thing is to say no (i.e., tough love).
It can be difficult to know if generosity helps or hinders when we only encounter someone once. This is a judgment call. For those we have a relationship with, our generosity should help meet basic needs of the individual and help strengthen self-confidence. An advantage of well-run social action agencies is that they have a fiduciary responsibility to make sure that our generosity is used effectively.
Before we conclude the subject of generosity, let us look at a critical psychological feature. That is how we relate to the present moment. Do we experience it by being generous with our attention? Or do we stifle the experience by being distracted by the past or future? Wise words were expressed by Albert Camus (1951): “Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.”
In summary, giving of ourselves to help others is an important virtue for Humanistic Jews. We have so many ways to give. Generosity is more than making annual charitable contributions. It should be a daily act of identifying opportunities and fulfilling this important virtue.
Here are some practical ways of expressing generosity on a regular basis:
* Smile at the clerk when you check out at the store.
* When the clerk asks if you are willing to round up the charge for a charity, say yes.
* Open the door for someone who needs help.
* Listen to someone whose opinion you disagree with.
*Find a charity and make regular contributions within your means.
*Join a Social Action Committee.
*Support a Social Action Committee by making simple contributions.
*Help your neighbor bring in the mail when they are on vacation.
*Offer common items that you no longer use to those in need of them.
*Tell someone: “good job.”
*Protect the earth and keep your carbon footprint low.
*Provide emotional support in times of need.
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Resources:
Camus, A. (1951). The Rebel: An Essay on Man in Revolt. Vantage Books: New York.
Wine, S. (1976). Meditation Services for Humanistic Judaism. The Society for Humanistic Judaism.
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