November 7, 2023

Hello Karen,

I was reading something a while ago and came across the phrase, "act, don't yak." A big part of therapeutic parenting and care is the use of actions over words, so this phrase really caught my attention!

For many people, explanations, lectures, and giving reasons for things like misbehaviours or poor choices - or even about trust and safety - comes naturally. But for children who lack trust in their caregivers and in what their caregivers say, words don't hold much meaning. However, actions do! Children learn best from our actions what our intentions are and how much we care about them.

We've compiled some of our favourite ways to stop the words and start using actions to connect with kiddos and help them feel safe and loved.

Enjoy!

ACT

don't

YAK

Why act and not yak?

Kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder lack a sense of trust in, and connection to, their caregivers, causing them to have a lack of trust in what their parents say! They may believe that anything their parents says are lies and not to be believed.

The way to build connection and safety for healing is by showing your child, with concrete, observable actions, that they are safe and that you are there to care for them. The best way to do this? Use actions to build connection and safety, not words. Act, don't yak!

Therapeutic Ways to Act

Felt Safety

Building felt safety through concrete actions is a key aspect of therapeutic parenting. Parents can do this by using techniques such as:

• 6-foot rule or line-of-vision supervision
• door alarms for nighttime physical and felt safety and emotional security
• providing consistency and a predictable environment
• providing intentional nurturing and love

Instead of telling your child they are safe and loved in your home, show them they are safe and loved in your home.

Therapeutic Actions

Acting therapeutically when dealing with defiance, disrespect, destructiveness, or limit-testing behaviours, and when providing nurture and teaching life skills (chores, homework, hygiene, etc.) helps kids to develop trust and feelings of safety.

• Use the 3BI program (below) for dealing with behaviours
• Use felt safety techniques to act in safe ways
• Provide strong loving leadership
• Use "stick-to-it-ivness"
• Provide opportunities to experience success

Strong Loving Leadership

To help concrete thinkers who have a lack of access to logic and reasoning, provide opportunities for them to physically see you as the strong loving leader that you are (someone who will keep them physically, emotionally, and mentally safe), by using these techniques:

• lead the way: have your child walk beside you or behind you
• practice physical attachment with hand-holding
• stand heart-to-heart and make eye contact when talking with your child
• have your child physically look up to you during therapeutic interactions

Brain-Based Behaviour Intervention Program

This whole program is based on creating connections while providing opportunities for changed behaviours and brain healing.

It is one of the best tools to help parents act when they feel like yakking!

This video is presented by Next Generation Attachment, a sister company to The RADish Ranch

Upcoming Programs

NEW! Keep your eyes peeled for information on our

CAMP ATTACH family camps coming in 2024!

Camp Attach is a week-long family camp that provides parents and children with information on RAD, connection and behaviour strategies, and is filled with family camp activities, support, and great meals!

Interested? Email us at info@theradishranch.org for more information